[Dave Lister's brilliant banter with holo-dweeb Binks from Red Dwarf V]

Binks: Binks to Enlightenment, have arrived on the derelict.  Confirm
       initial speculation there is absolutely nothing of any value or
       interest here.  It's one of the old Class 2 ship to surface
       vessels, the very model in fact that was withdrawn due to major
       flight design flaws.  Crew three.
  [motions with his walkie talkie to Kryten]
       One series 4000 mechanoid, almost burnt out, give it maybe three
       years.  Nothing of salvageable value.
  [moves on to the Cat]
       Ah, Felis Sapiens, bred from the domestic house cat and about
       half as smart.  Uh, no value in future study of this species.
  [moves along to Lister]
       What have we here?  A human being?  Or a very close
       approximation.  Chronological age mid twenties, physical age
       fourty seven.  Grossly overweight, unnecessarily ugly, otherwise
       would recommend it for the museum.  Apart from that, of no value
       or interest.

  [Lister takes a cigarette pack out of his jacket, extends a
   cigarette like an antenna, and pretends it's a walkie-talkie.]

Lister: Lister to Red Dwarf.  We have in our midst a complete smeg pot.
        Brains in the anal region.  Chin absent, presumed missing.
        Genitalia small and inoffensive.  Of no value or interest.

Binks: Binks to Enlightenment.  Evidence of primitive humour.  The human
       has knowledge of irony, satire and imitation, with patient
       tuition could, maybe, master simple tasks.

Lister: Lister to Red Dwarf.  Displays evidence of spoiling for
        rrrumble!  Seems unable to grasp simple threats.  With careful
        pummeling, could possibly be sucking tomorrow's lunch through a
        straw!

  [If you appreciate Lister's accent, you'll notice a really nice
   extended roll on the 'r' in 'rumble' above...]

Binks: Binks to Enlightenment.  The human is under the delusion that he
       is somehow able to bestow physical violence to a hologram.

Lister: Lister to Red Dwarf.  The intruder seems to be blissfully
        unaware that we have a rather sturdy holo-whip in the munitions
        cabinet, and unless he wants his derriere minced like burger
        meat, he'd better be history in two seconds flat!

  [Lister takes the cigarette which was acting as a mock antenna into
   his mouth, throws the pack to the floor, and starts taking off his
   jacket, spoiling for a rumble...]

Binks: Binks to Enlightenment.  Recon mission complete.  Transmit.  With
       speed!

  [Lister chews up and swallows the cigarette, takes his hat off and
   starts on his vest.]

Binks: Enlightenment, quickly please!

  [Lister has his vest off, dances and throws a punch at Binks, just as
  he vanishes.]


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