Path: santra!chyde!router!tut!draken!kth!mcvax!uunet!cs.utexas.edu!mit-eddie!mit-amt!mit-caf!dakad
From: dakad@mit-caf.MIT.EDU (Kevin Delin)
Newsgroups: rec.humor,alt.fusion
Subject: Fusion News
Summary: Fusion Debate Reaches Capitol Hill
Keywords: fusion, muons, neutrons, coherent states
Message-ID: <2244@mit-caf.MIT.EDU>
Date: 28 Apr 89 16:04:06 GMT
Reply-To: dakad@mit-caf.UUCP (Kevin Delin)
Organization: Microsystems Technology Laboratories, MIT
Lines: 51
Xref: santra alt.fusion:1008
Dateline: 27 Apr 89, Washington DC


		FUSION DEBATE REACHES CAPITOL HILL

Fusion fever swept thru a congressional hearing yesterday as Utah
researchers called for a crash effort with up to $25 mil in federal
money in testimony before the Joint Senate-House Committee on SCiENCE!

"The real question is can we really massively fund research when we have little
actual proof of nuclear reactions taking place?" asked Rep Roe (D-NJ).
"Where are the neutrons?"

"I think in light of muon catalyzed fusion, fusion within dense metals
is a real possibility," said Sen Nancy Kassenbaum (R-Kan).

"My esteemed colleague from New Jersey still has a valid question
concerning the absence of neutron emissions", said Speaker of the
House Jim Wright (D-TX).

"At low temperatures, the statistical probability of individual fusion
reactions could be radically changed," said Rep Margaret Lloyd (D-Tenn).
"It could be that reactions favoring production of tritium and
protons are dominant."

"That would certainly explain it," said Sen Howard Metzenbaum, "but
has anyone actually measured significant tritium in these experiments?"

"My wife has been trying to do that for weeks," said Vice President
Dan Quayle, "but she hasn't had any results."

"Tell her to pre-heat the pallidium", said Sen Albert Gore.  "My son
at Georgia Tech said that's the key."

"If I could interject ...", said Dr. Stanley Pons.

"Please don't interrupt," said Sen Daniel Inouye, "we're SENATORS.
Personally I'm fascinated that metal-catalyzed fusion could be the 
source of geological tritium and helium."

"I'd like to have Einstein's theory of relativity read into the
congressional record," stated Sen Edward Kennedy.

"I found a memo that the White House sold fusion technology to
the Hungarians to finance the Contras," shouted Sen John Kerry running
into the hearing room.

Chairwoman Margaret Lloyd spoke up again, "We have to move the debate now
on to coherent effects, which will require a closed door session."

------------------

Then there are the conspiracy theories ...