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                ³                   *EXCERPTS*                  ³
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                ³           News you may NOT have read.         ³
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                 Stonehenge BBS - San Rafael, Ca. - 415 479-8328





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NEVER BE IDLE TOO LOMG

    We're talking about your car.  CSAA says, "Don't let your car idle
    in traffic for more than a minute. Idling consumes a half gallon
    to a galloon of gas per hour and wastes more gas than restarting
    the engine.










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THE HANDICAP SCAM

     DMV is becoming very concerned about its parking permits for the
     handicapped. Seems counterfeiters are showing up and a handicapped
     parking sign can sell for as high as $250.00. And, as the CHP is
     finding out, if a handicapped loved one dies...the sign is sometimes
     not turned in..Family members keep it and continue to use it.









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ANOTHER MILLION OR MORE TO MADE WITH A SCREWY IDEA?

     Well, those round, plastic strainers that sit in the bottom of
     urinals can now come with any printed face that you provide.
     Made by a company called Urinique produces. This is from
     Herb Caen.








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BRAD VS. LUANN (IF YOU KEEP UP WITH THE COMIC STRIP.)

     Luann: Reading newspaper. "Here's an article about your bedroom,
            Brad."

     Brad:  "My bedroom?"

     Luann (Quoting paper.) "City wants smelly dump sight removed."

                                      HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!






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" I MURDERED A WOMAN."

     Radio station KROQ in Los Angeles used to have this talk show called
     "Confessions". People would call in their confessions and, I guess,
     listeners could phone in comments. All went well until a male calls
     and confesses he has murdered a woman. The show was immediately
     discontinued, leaving many shocked listeners and national publicity.
     Police made an investigation. It was a hoax put on by the D.J.'s. Now,
     pissed off police are going to bill the radio station for their
     investigative time.







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THIS IS ONLY SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN TO THE OTHER GUY.

    Say, like locking yourself out of your car. If it is any consolation,
    CSAA (nationally) answers about 1,000 lockouts a day. And, if lockout
    costs are figured up for an annual total, it costs about six and a
    half million bucks for peoples stupidity. Keep an extra key handy.









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IS HE STILL A MAN?

     Being a robber can be injurious to your health. In Pittsburgh, Pa.,
     a gunman held up a gas station then tucked the pistol in his belt.
     The gun discharged and the man ran away screaming real loud. Did
     he lose 'em??









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YOUNG RUSSIAN COUPLE ASKS FOR PROTECTION

     At Shannon, Ireland a young Russian couple asked immigration
     for protection. They were whisked away and questioned by the
     authorities. The protection they were seeking was a box of
     condoms.







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AND SPEAKING OF CONDOMS

     In Roman Catholic Ireland, the sale of condoms is forbidden
     except to married couples, and then only by a doctors prescription.








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PIZZA MAKERS COULD BE OBSOLETE

     Now it's automated pizza. All mechanical. Not only that, it is voice
     activated. Will start making your pizza at your verbal command. It's
     called the Pizzabot. Mechanical arms do the work spreading the sauce
     and adding the toppings. One counter person supervises the whole
     operation. His only job is to remove it from the oven and collect
     your dough.







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HAVE YOU EVER SEEN THE NAME "CHAKA"

     Too many people have. It can be seen from Los Angeles to San Francisco,
     painted by the most notorious graffiti artist ever.  Daniel Ramos, 18,
     has been arrested for his vandalism and pleaded no contest to the
     charges. "It's the worst case of graffiti vandalism we have ever heard
     of anywhere in the nation," says James Hahn, city attorney.








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IT'S FIRST CLASS OR NOTHING

     Ambassador Limousene Service advertises that its cars are available
     for all occasions. So this guy hires a 1991 white stretch limo and
     has the driver wait as he robs a bank. James Thomas Moore was taken
     into custody and is suspected of 21 other bank robberies.







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CHILD ABUSE

     According to The U.S. Advisory Board on Child abuse, sexual abuse
     of children increased 233% in the decade ending in 1986. 340,000
     cases were reported for 1989. Studies show that one in five girls
     and one in eleven boys are molested by the time they are 16 years
     old.









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HOW TO RESTRAIN A ROBBERY VICTIM

     Usually, during holdups, robbers have victims lie on the floor,
     lock them in rooms or in the safe, if it is a bank. Here's a
     new twist. When Samuel's Rug Gallery in West Hollywood was held
     up, they rolled the guy up in a rug.






                                 THE END

New [E]xcerpts are posted weekly
Stonehenge BBS 415 479-8328

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