Type D: The "Hacker" This is the idiot who tries incessantly to crash your BBS. These "hackers" can attain several plateaus of achievement. There are several "classic" methods of crashing BBSes, which these people seem to think might still work, and it is through these that you can recognize this type of loser. What follows is a list of commonly used techniques to try and crash a system: a) When the BBS asks for Usercode/Account #, the gumby will just start entering a continuous stream of carriage returns... The BBS gets bored after awhile and hangs up. b) The fool will try to sign on as record #1 (Ie: Account of 1), and then try to "hack" the password. A classic laugher is someone trying to use "M1PQ" or another pswd that was one of very few possible under Net-Works. It's even funnier when the system isn't even running on Net-Works... c) The guy will log on as new, and try to use the name "SYSTEM OPERATOR" or "SYSOP" or the name of the sysop. d) Another technique is to log on with the name of the sysop, except to leave a blank as the first character of the name. e) Here's one thats a little more complex... They try to hang the system by hitting Ctrl-S and then hanging up. f) Or how about this one? The gumby calls, and as soon as it connects, he hangs up and calls back as quickly as possible. He tries this over and over, until he finally gives up. g) Then, there's the infamous usage of 9E99 at various prompts... h) How about the fool who tries to overload memory by entering the fullest possible message over and over again? i) For those systems that used the Micromodem or APL/SSM card, there was the infamous Ctrl-Y feature... Now, of course these are just a few of the many methods these people will use to try and obtain access to the system. They'll try typing in various different words and control characters at the password prompt, and the list goes on and on. These people have some sort of a brain disorder which leads them to believe that they are "great", "awesome", etc... They couldn't possibly discover a new way of crashing a particular system; they merely use information that they've heard elsewhere. If people would only stop writing "How to" g-files, we'd have alot less losers of this type. This is the same guy, who after reading a file on "How to Build a Thermo-Nuclear Device", actually tries to build it. He gets snagged when he gets to the "weapons-grade plutonium"; his daddy doesn't work for a terrorist organization. He tries to substitute lead (he thinks the graphite in pencils is lead) and catches shit from his folks for making a mess of the house. Type E: The Non-descrept user If indeed there can be a "good" loser, this is him. It's hard to even notice that he exists... The only time you become aware of all the non-descrept users are occasions where you swear and curse and ask yourself, "Why does no-one ever post any messages?". These people are the perfect example of a malignant tumour. They are active users of the BBS; they regularily read the new material on the system, but the sysop only realizes that they are there when he looks at his log to find these names he's never heard of before. He comes in and sees that so far he's had 35 calls today; he quick-scans and finds two new messages, both of which were posted by his co-sysop. Frankly, what the non-descrept user does is use up a record in the userfile and tie up the system... that's all. These are the same people who will graduate from highschool, or wherever, without having any idea of what they want to do with their lives, and subsequently go on to be wealthy construction workers. Type F: The Non-Sysop By far the most unfortunate classification of loser, and the type of guy who gives BBSing and sysops a bad name. These people are solely responsible for turning hundreds of people off BBSing... But, by another token, this is the easiest person to spot, and the easiest to ridicule. Now, first, lets try to establish how a Loser-sysop is "born"... Most importantly, it seems that in almost ALL cases of the loser-sysop, that these people were active BBS LoserUsers at the time at which they became "sysops". Below are a typical series of events that leads to a loser wanting to become a sysop, and how to "diagnose" that type of BBS Loser-sysop. a) Joe is a type B loser; a "ware-monger". He, being obsessed with the acquisition of new "warez", has come up with a brilliant new idea on how to obtain them, and become recognized as a "stud" at the same time... He decides to put up an AE and/or CatFur line. This way, other ware-mongers like himself will call, and he (being a stud) forces them to give him some new "amazing, totally awesome new ware" in order for them to log on (just to discover that he's running on one or two 140K drives with nothing on them). Typically, the person also labels his system "elite" in a flagrant attempt to attract the larger names in ware-monging. Of course, these losers also are forever in quest of having "the most AWESOME AE (and/or) CatFur line" in the area, but this poses a problem... To be able to meet the challenge of this label, they cannot simply put up a system... it has to be unique, and the only way to put up a unique system is to "do some mods". (Ahem...) This can be translated as "making modifications to the system's program". But, unfortunately for them, this requires "programming skills" of which they have none. They then go on a search to find some well-known "ware-monger" who will agree to do the "mods" for him. This type of system is almost always down, as the loser-sysop is usually using his computer (trading with some ware-monger, or ha... calling other AE/CatFur lines). The system is also down for periods of time while the ware-monger of the "sysop's" choice fouls up the program. One more excellent way to spot this type of person is to look for BBSes that are forever saying "We are down cuz the computers broke", or "We'll be down for 3 weeks 'til we get these amazing new mods done!". Another method of detecting this type of person is to examine the hardware that the system runs on. If you spot a BBS/AE/CatFur that runs on two 140K drives, well, thats the classic loser-sysop. (I mean, I've known two people who've put up ...ahem... tried to put up a system on 1 drive, but atleast they were intelligent enough to realize that they couldn't possibly keep it up (let alone add AE) and gave up. But the person who firstly runs a BBS off one drive and THEN also insists on running CatFur off the second drive... Well...! My friend, you've just hit the jackpot; the loser-supreme... This person should never have found his way into telecommunications, or computing for that matter because obviously he neither has the ability to reason, nor does he understand basic hardware concepts. Folks, these are the people upon whom I heap the most scorn... One to three conferences, with never more than five to ten messages per conference, an "elite" label (he doesn't have the disk space for more than 20-40 users anyways), a system that gives you a system error 4 times out of 10 when you either try to send mail or post a message, and then, to top it all off, a useless ware on D2, sometimes one side of a four-sided game (obviously the rest won't fit...). The hearty and sadistic people (like me) have a field-day with these wimps... Now, in keeping with my opening statement, I'm not going to mention names or systems but I think that those of you who closely follow the Toronto BBS scene know exactly where I take this information... b) Herbert is your typical 12 year old proud owner of a Commodore 64, and has seen how "awesome" modems are from the home of his best-friend. He instantly sets his aim on putting up a BBS... After several months, he finally has enough money to buy a "modem", and puts up his BBS. For several months, the BBS serves its purpose; amongst his peers, he has risen to the level of a true "stud". His being the sysop of a BBS gives him just about the same status as having a 16 year old, well developed and gorgeous "chick". However, problems arise... people have discovered a way to crash his system. Every second day, someone crashes the system and erases the disk(s). If this guy is fortunate (a 10% chance), he's heard of the term "backup", and he spends 15 minutes to copy his disk, and again all is as it was before... But another two days pass, and again his system has been crashed. After two weeks of this, it's clear that something must be done. But how is his BBS being crashed? Who would do such a thing? For what reason? Well... the last question is simple... apparently, peers attach even more significance to someone who crashes BBSes than people who run them, especially when the sysop is a "wimp". The sysop tries in vain to find someone who will help him, but is unsuccessfull. c) Fred is 16 years old, lives in a 6 bedroom sub-mansion, complete with a large outdoor pool, has two golfcarts (which are used to travel from one end of the backyard to the other), and a $9000 alarm system that uses infrared sensors and a pre-programmed robot to ward off racoons trying to overturn their garbage bin. Having just turned 16, he has naturally persuaded his parents, after a long 45 minute argument, to buy him a Ferrari. Then, on the third floor, one of the unused bedrooms has been converted into the "computer study". The 10'x18' room features three filing cabinets, all empty but they give the room "atmosphere", as well as three large desks. On the first is a "fully loaded" Apple system... A //e, complete with DuoDisk, RGB monitor, ImageWriter, Thunderclock, a 1.5Mb RamWorks card, Syntauri music system, and graphics tablet. Fortunately, he still has $6000 over his parentally imposed $20000 minimum in his bank account, still has $300 left from this months allowance, and Christmas is fast approaching... People at his school have become bored of his farfetched tales of the things he's accomplished with his computer. "So... U never busted inta Pentagon before and got your uncles credit card number..." This puts him to thinking, and before you can say "loser" (and I don't know about you, but it takes me about 3/10ths of a second...) he's bought a Courier 2400 modem. With this new-found toy, he proceeds to generate tales of his "hacking" prowess... Soon he's progressed to tales of phreaking... Of course, he doesn't actually know anything about either of the two subjects (he's the loser I talked about earlier; you know, the guy who calls systems and tries to gain access by typing in "BIG TITS" at the password prompt...). Soon he is bored of this but wait! Santa Claus is coming next week, and his parents are in a quandary. In years past, they were always able to take Fred to the local shopping mall to see Santa and then find out what he'd asked for... Last year he had gotten the 42" projection TV with a top-of-the-line VCR, and TV camera/film-making system. The year before it had been the 400 Watts per channel stereo system. But this year, the parents resorted to hiring a private detective at $3000/day to discover what Fred wanted. Well, the private eye had quite a task ahead of him... He walked up to Fred and asked "Well son, what do you want for Christmas this year?", to which Fred replies, "Tell mom I want a hard drive". And thus the deed is done... come the morning of the 25th, under the tree is a large-sized package that could only be one thing... "Wow! A Corvus 45Mb hard drive! Freak me out. Amazing...!" December 26th, his BBS went up... Instantly gaining a reputation from some of being the most "amazing" board around, it quickly gained users. Fred quickly moved to find someone amongst his users who could program, and quickly recruited him to make "mods" for the BBS, with the promise of many great wares and being made a "co-sysop" in return. Thus starts the transformation of a run-of-the-mill BBS program into something that is laden with bugs. Now, unfortunately for Fred, the real programmers out there don't fall for people like him, and thus the person who is now his co-sysop is not only a loser, but fully incapable of anything but the simplest programming changes (ie: print statements). The end result is a sysop who believes that he is "an awesome dude", and has simply the best BBS in the city, and goes out of his way to let everyone else know about it. He usually persuades a few other people to phone every other system in the city to post messages about his amazing system, telling people, "Hang up RIGHT NOW!!! And call this AMAZING new BBS!!!". The system ends up with 50 to 100 (or more?!) conferences, of which 80% have never even been logged to, much less had a message posted there. The system has some 30-50 volumes available for an AE up/download system, and another 30 volumes for "g-files". The sysop is arrogant, validates users once a month, will validate anyone who doesn't leave a name of "Brian Mulrooney" and immediately sends mail to anyone who logs on with a female name (these are the only users ever "voice" validated... The system is regularily down, as Fred's inept programmer attempts to make yet another "awesome mod". The only thing to be relieved about is that a system such as this attracts losers as shit attracts flies. During times when the BBS is up, it acts as a drawing card for losers, and leaves one less loser to call the other systems in the area. But, of course, these things cannot go on forever... eventually Fred will get bored, just as he did with his remote-controlled missile carrying chopper two years ago... The system will eventually die, but in the meantime, it augments the BBS society by being a loser-trap; I only feel sorry for the poor sod who calls, thinking that he will find a decent BBS with intelligent users and much information... He is about to be subjected to the loser-sysop. There are, of course, many other types of loser-sysops, none of which deserve lengthy mention here... There is, naturally, the sysop who is incapable of spelling three consecutive words correctly, the sysop who has no idea of what grammar or punctuation is used for, the sysop who sets up a system at completely odd hours (Tuesdays and Thursdays 4pm - 8pm, and Fridays 6pm - 11pm) and where, when the BBS is up, every time a call comes in its a race between the sister and the modem to see who answers it first... Then there's the classic sysop who runs an unmodified program such as NetWorks, Nexus, TeleCat or GBBS. Theres the sysop who is seemingly never there; he never is around to chat, deletes his mail without replying, doesn't delete old messages, never changes log-on messages, g-files, news files, and other dust-gathering files on his disk, and doesn't even notice that his disk has been full for the last week. There's the sysop who takes his phone off the hook while using his computer, so that people will think that its just "busy". Theres the sysop who brags of getting 2400 baud, a hard drive and various other things. Theres the sysop who forces his users to conform to his every wish, and the sysop who cannot take constructive criticism. Theres the sysop who uses a fake name on his own BBS which he uses to send hate mail to those he doesn't like.... And there are others still; new breeds of the loser-sysop are being discovered almost every day.