Toronto is called metropolitan because it is too narrow
minded to be called provincial.


There are no renowned astronomers in Toronto. All Torontonians
think that they live at the centre of the universe.


A Torontonian is a person who thinks he can see all of Canada
from the top of the Royal York.
                                       -- Nick Taylor


There is one good thing that comes out of Toronto,
the west bound plane.


Torontonians are not inherently narrow minded, but it is hard
to find one who can look down both sides of an ax blade
at the same time.


CBC Toronto will be doing a series on Western Alienation.
Shooting begins soon in Mississauga.
                                -- Regina Post


The best way to look at Toronto is through the rear view mirror.


Toronto is one of the few places in the world where a severe
winter storm could do millions of dollars in improvements.


Toronto has pretensions of being Canada's New York. But instead of
becoming the Big Apple, Toronto has become the Crab Apple.
                                 Charles J.C. Lyall


Theologians have determined that the second coming of Christ
will not take place in Western Canada.  Not even God himself
could find three wise men in the east.


Torontonians think that Einstein was a redneck.  After all,
Einstein's theory of relativity didn't put Toronto at the
centre of the universe.
                                  Charles J.C. Lyall


If the Globe and Mail is Canada's national newspaper, why is it
that every time they transfer a reporter to Western Canada, the
reporter buys a house in Mississauga?


When the Globe and Mail refers to events in the Far East, they
are usually talking about Oshawa.


Toronto's three "professional" teams, the Blue Jays, the Argonauts,
and the Maple Leafs, have one thing in common. None of these teams
can skate.


You know you are getting close to Toronto when the highway sign says:

                     Highway 401
                     Leafs     0


Toronto calls its hockey team "The Maple Leafs" because they are
green in September, falling in October, and gone by November.


Who says Toronto has no sense of humour. Anyone who would call the
Globe and Mail "Canada's National Newspaper" has a well developed
sense of the ridiculous.


Toronto financiers run in packs and howl at the slightest
threat to their privileges. Their resemblence to wolves is so
startling that the financial area of Toronto is called Bay Street
in honour of the noise they make.
                                Charles J.C. Lyall


It only takes one Torontonian to change a light bulb, but five
more are required to tell the rest of us how wonderful it is
that it happened in Toronto.
                                  Jim Guthrie


Torontonians figure that if God had intended Canadian oil to be sold
at world market prices, he would have put it in Ontario.


Probably the saddest thing about Ottawa is the number of
fourth-rate intellects applied to first-rate problems.
                                  Bob Edwards


Compared with a Toronto Sunday, a Scottish Sabbath is a French ball.
                                  Bob Edwards