Subject: Re: A cute chain letter
Followup-To: alt.sex,alt.sex.stories
Date: Fri Jul 21 15:48:20 1995

Jaws Jr. (jarmers@ucs.orst.edu) wrote:
: I thought that I would pass this on to anybody who might like to read this.
: I got this on my e-mail today, hope it doesn't offend you.  I also
: hope you don't mind getting a chain letter.
: ------------------------------------------------------------------------------
:       This paper has been sent to you for good luck.  The original
: has been worn out from having passed through the hands of so many
: people.  It had traveled around the world 69 times.
:       The luck has now been sent to you.  You will experience great
: sex within four days of receiving this letter, provided you send it
: on.  Since the copy must tour the world, you must make ten copies and
: send them to others.  This is no joke.  Send no money.  Send copies
: to people who need to get laid within 96 hours.
:       After he passed this letter on, a Montana Spinach Control
: Officer got his penis stuck in a cow-milking machine and had the
: longest series of orgasms of his life.  John Elliot tried to pick up
: a prostitute, but, because he broke the chain, was picked up by the
: police instead.  When they searched his home, they found magazines of
: little boys which they showed to his neighbors.  In a suburb of
: Paris, Don Loray's trousers were ripped by an unsatisfied erection,
: 51 days after failing to circulate the letter.  However, before this
: happened, a condom machine gave him three condoms for the price of
: one. (Was this the consolation prize?)
:       Do note the following:  Herbert Pudstrom received the chain
: in 1953.  He asked his secretary to make ten copies and send them
: out.  A few days later he encountered her in a red-light district
: making more than he had ever paid her at work.  General George
: Patton, who sent the letter on, saw what he thought was a quarter in
: the street.  When he bent down to pick it up, a beautiful woman in a
: miniskirt walked by, and he got a great view.  His aide, Colonel
: Roger Bumswiver, who did not pass on the letter, tried to pick up a
: similar object but was fucked up the ass by a desperate gay when he
: bent over.  Heywood Daddit, an unemployed chicken choker, received
: the letter and forgot that it had to leave his hands within 96 hours.
:       His wife then went bowling with his best friend and never
: returned.  Later, after finding the letter again, he mailed ten
: copies.  A few days later he got a wife and discovered that his old
: wife, who he thought was wonderful, had made love to him like a dead
: salmon  for all these years!  Alan Fairchild received the letter and,
: not believing, threw the letter away.  Nine days later he spilled hot
: coffee in his crotch.
:       In 1987 the letter received by a young woman in Texas was
: faded and barely readable, so she did not realize that this paragraph
: applied to her.  She promised herself she would retype the letter and
: send it on, but she put it aside to do later.  She was plagued with
: problems including herpes and other venereal diseases she contracted
: in her futile attempts to find Mr. Right in a singles bar.  The
: letter did not leave her hands in 96 hours.  She finally typed the
: letter and found a man with a 10-inch penis.
:       You must distribute at least ten copies within 96 hours of
: receiving this letter.  Those who do will find their love lives more
: fulfilling,  Those who do not will be doomed to one-night stands with
: mechanical devices.