AOH :: NASALSEX.TXT|
This is a text file on how to perform nasal sex: lubrication, stretching of the nasal cavity, etc
A COMPLETE GUIDE TO NASAL LOVEMAKING
By: Strange Boy
Nasal Sex: The very words can conjure fascinating (and horrific)
images in one's mind. As joked about as it may be, nasal sex is an
honorable (and enjoyable) pastime. However, very few in recent memory
have attempted this art form, condemming it to a graveyard of
horrible comic books and failed punchlines. In this age of AIDS, the
thought of a nosebleed during nasal intercourse may frighten you
to the point of abstinence. You should not be frightened thus. With a
few proper precautions, such as the application of a condom, you and
your partner may fully enjoy the experience and joy of safe nasal sex.
What thought is as erotic as the one of a 14" phallus projecting into
the huge, moist nostrils of a diva such as Barbera Streisand? None that
come readily to MY mind. With that note out of the way, let's explore
this much-maligned pleasure.
:):(:):(:):(:):(:):(:):(:):(:)STEP ONE: FOREPLAY(:):(:):(:):(:):(:):(:):(:):(:
This is obviously very important, as it is a rare partner indeed who
will participate in such a voodoo thing as nose penetration with no
objections. But by following this handy guide, you should be able to
have a willing and ready partner, ready to share in and enjoy the
1) Get your partner alone, and make sure he/she is horny as hell.
2) Once alone with your partner, compliment him/her on what BIG,
BEAUTIFUL nostrils they have. (If you plan to be on the recieving end,
refer subtly to the "Extra Opportunities" open to people with big noses
and those who date them).
3) Commence a back, neck, or body rub with your partner, fondling their
various fleshy areas. Kiss your partner gently on various parts of their
body, finally coming to the mouth. After spending a few minutes sucking
your partner's face, make the great leap: With a deft, sexy motion, slip
your tongue into their nasal cavity. Your partner's reaction may be one
of revulsion (or extreme amusement). If so, calm them down and just say
that good things are to come. Continue to keep the tongue in motion
inside the nose, going deeper and deeper, until your partner begins to
moan in anticipation. He/She is ready. (If you are to be the recieving
end, after you've licked your partner to passion, then have them lick
your nose out. Then proceed).
:):(:):(:):(:):(:):(:)(:):(:)STEP TWO: LUBRICATION(:):(:):(:):(:):(:):(:):(:):
By the time you are ready to apply lubrication for the impending
act, you and/or your partner's nose has already been moderately
lubricated with its natural lubricants (snot, phlegm, and saliva).
However, a project of the magnitute of fitting a full-sized penis
into a hole rarely larger than a dime usually needs a bit of practical
help. Read: Lubrication. So follow these easy steps:
1) Get a container of your favorite high-velocity lubricant (vaseline,
surfboard wax, etc) and put a liberal portion on your index and middle
2) With a gentle, snaking yet forward motion, angle the two fingers
into yours or your partner's nostrils. Gently work the fingers around
inside, coating every clear spot with your lubricant of choice.
3) Lovingly remove your fingers, lingering over sensitive nasal spots
such as the sinus spots. The nose is ready for penetration.
(:):(:):(:):(:):(:):(:):(:)STEP THREE: PENETRATION(:):(:):(:):(:):(:):(:):(:):
Now you are ready for the beginning of the real fun. You and/or your
partner's nose has been adequetely prepared and excited by the sinus
foreplay and is open for invasion by the penis. So now you begin your
1) Go into a position comfortable for both of you. The oft-prefered nasal
position is the missionary, much like the conventional sexual position,
in which the recieving end lies on his/her back, and the other partner,
in a crouched sitting position, inserts the penis into the nasal cavity.
Other popular positions include the kneeling position, the upside-down
position, and the difficult positions such as the "Durante" and "Danny
Thomas" postions. These are not for the amateur, so watch out! Several
lung collapses have resulted from the "Danny", and Hallucinations of
Hollywood's glorious past have been associated with the rush of euphoria
from the "Durante" position, resulting in delusions of grandeur and
subsequent rejection of your partner. Let the thrillseeker beware!
2) Take it slowly at first, as it is unlikely that your partner is
used to this sort of action. This will allow the nostrils to enlarge
naturally. However, for two experienced partners, this is fully a
matter of taste and choice. The Sky's the limit!
3) Try to sustain for awhile to ensure continued pleasure for both.
The novice will probably experience the problems of either premature
ejaculation or failure to come at all. Well, premature ejaculation will
probably subside after the first few times, and failure to come could
work to your advantage, prolonging the experience. If these problems
persist, however, I reccomend a psychiatrist or some self-help books.
That should help you.
4) When you cum, it is important to take your partner's wishes in
consideration. Many people may not like having a huge stream of semen
shot into their sinuses, so you must decide whether to pull out or not.
After all, the sight of someone blowing their nose and your cum coming
out may turn you off. But some people, especially speed addicts and
others who like snorting things through their nose, may enjoy it.
It's all a matter of taste.
5) In the aftermath, you may want to compliment your partner on what a
nice larynx or tonsils she has, or how you felt the world move (cigarette
optional). The recieving end may have had a rather intense sinus orgasm
as well, so she/he probably had as good a time as the other partner.
Of course, there are many other ways people enjoy nasal penetration.
For instance, one may enjoy masturbation with a standard or vibrating
dildo, or even a simple finger inserted manually. Kids everywhere do
this innocent childhood action, described as "nose-picking", but we
know better, don't we? If you wake up one morning with your finger in
your nose or in your bed-partner's nose, you may have had a "Phlegm
Dream", which is completely natural. Other alternatives include
mutual nose masturbation, or use of a Groucho Marx nose in creative
For those who feel nasally inadequete, nasal extendors should be
available soon due to high demand. These miracle devices are placed
into the nostril and then pressed on to create the expansion effect.
If your nose doesn't explode, this should ensure a much expanded and
loosened nose. But remember: It isn't the size of the nosrils that
counts, it's how you flare them. Or something like that...
We offer no moral judgements, as we feel it is your right to do
what you please in the privacy of your own home. The techinques described
within have livened many a dying marrige thru a new method of pleasure
which both can enjoy. Happy probing!
With thanks to "Big Nose Annie"
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