Wacky Penis Facts 

Most men would agree that the penis, though clearly attached, often 
seems to have a mind of its own. Call it what you like: a unit, 
trouser worm, or schlong, it's still a strange, disorderly, and 
frequently disobedient creature. It can be friend or foe, but its 
inner workings remain a mystery to most of us.

To help us understand the "why" behind some of the most maddening and 
mystifying tricks the penis can play on its would-be master, we sat 
down with an expert on the family jewels, Vito Imbasciani, Ph.D., 
M.D. Imbasciani is a urologist with the Kaiser Permanente Medical 
Group in Southern California, and he agreed to try to explain some of 
the penis' most baffling behavior.

Q: First of all, what causes "post-pee dribble?"

A: With a lot of older guys I see, it's because they're peeing
through their zipper, and they're obstructing the urethra. If they'd 
just open their pants and free Willy a little bit, it wouldn't 
happen. But for most people who consistently dribble after they pee, 
they're probably over 40, and probably have an enlarged prostate. In 
a young guy, it's most likely that he's wearing tight jeans, and he's 
trying to get it out and over his zipper-think of an inverted V. It's 
just mechanical.

Q: Why do men sometimes get hard for no apparent reason?

A: You can get an erection for any of three main reasons. Sometimes
your brain causes it when you see, smell, taste or hear something 
that turns you on. This centrally originated signal is sent down the 
spinal cord to the pelvic ganglion, or central relay system, which 
then sends signals down to the penis.

Then there are the erections you bring on by yourself, by touch. The 
other unwanted ones are triggered not by the brain, but by the nerves 
in the penis itself. It could be you're driving along and the motion 
of the car stimulates the pelvic nerves; you could wake up with a 
full bladder, and that stimulates the pelvic nerves. A sensory input 
to the spinal cord sends a signal back to the penis and says to the 
arteries, "open up!" And you wind up with an unintended erection.

Q: When you get one of these untimely erections, is it
dangerous to try to hide it by forcing it into a position it doesn't 
want to be in?

A: Yes. When a penis is erect, it's as rigid as wood. Now, it might
be green wood, but if you bend it, you could break it. This usually 
happens during sex. I saw a patient recently whose very large 
girlfriend was on top of him. Her weight pressed down on his very 
rigid erection the wrong way. His penis was fractured. He had to go 
to the operating room and get it sewn up.

Q: Talk to me about priapism.

A: Priapus was a little Roman god-he was only about six inches tall,
but is always shown in statues with a huge penis. Priapism is the 
condition of having an erection that will not go down. It's not 
common, except in people who are predisposed to it. Some people with 
head trauma, like concussions, will come to the emergency room in a 
priapistic state. Young black men who have sickle cell anemia are 
also at risk, because their blood clots, usually in the penis. Some 
drugs can cause priapism as a side effect, too.

Q: What's the stuff, often called pre-come, that leaks out
of the penis during foreplay?

A: The urethra of the penis has little glands along it that provide
pre-lubrication. It's something that's evolved over time. Evolution 
has rewarded animals who reproduce. So anything that helps deliver 
semen to the uterus is going to survive. This pre-lubrication of the 
urethra helps it open up, so that semen comes down unfettered. 
Pre-come is comprised of one of two things (and sometimes both): some 
of it is the secretions of the little glands of the urethra, and some 
of it could actually be prostatic secretions, which is true semen.

Q: Is there enough sperm in pre-come to get someone pregnant?

A: You have to assume that it's strong enough.  Also, it's not like
a washing machine where it suddenly switches to spin-mode-or, in this 
case, urethral versus prostatic secretions-and you can't tell the 
difference. Better to be safe than sorry and keep it away from the 
vagina.

Q: What about the dreaded blue balls-what exactly are they?

A: I call it pelvic congestion. If you're used to a certain level of
sexual activity and you haven't emptied your prostate and the seminal 
vesicles (the storage area for semen), those areas start to feel 
full. I presume just the way somebody's nose might feel full when 
they've got a sinus problem and they just want to blow their nose.  
So it's semen buildup, or prostate congestion.  Some guys don't 
masturbate before dates because they like that feeling. The only way 
to get rid of the situation is to drain the main vein by ejaculating.

Q: I read two interesting statistics in The Penis Book by
Joseph Cohen (Könemann, 1999). One was that the average speed at 
which ejaculate shoots out of a man is 25 m.p.h. The other is that 
the farthest medically recorded distance of ejaculation is 25.5 
inches. But I once saw a porno with Ron Jeremy where the only thing 
stopping his output was the ceiling.

A: Average speed? I have no idea. As to the second, I'd love to see
the, ah, competition. I think we all did it when we were Cub Scouts.

Q: I'd like to ask you a few questions regarding semen. I've
heard of it referred to as, among other things, a "protein shake."  
Does it have any nutritional value?

A: The chief ingredient of semen is fructose, which derives mainly
from the seminal vesicles. I wouldn't say it's good for you per se, 
but it's certainly not harmful.

Q: How much does the average man come? Is it variable?

A: The average man comes about three milliliters.  The rare person
may put out five to six milliliters [a teaspoon is 5 milliliters]. If 
a person hasn't come in while or is really turned on, it's going to 
be more.

Q: Is it true that sperm makes up a very small percentage of
the ejaculate?

A: That's right. The sperm contribution is minimal, accounting for
only one percent. Sperm is produced in equal parts between the 
prostate and the seminal vesicles.

Q: Does wearing "tighty whities," or any type of restrictive
underwear, negatively affect sperm count?

A: Yes. It also affects motility-how well the sperm swim. A serious
fever will do it, too. If you've had a fever of 103 to 104 degrees, 
three months down the line (when those sperm have matured and are 
ready to be ejaculated), your sperm count's gonna drop way down.

Q: Along a different vein, surgery to enhance the size of
the penis is a growing field.  Does this really work? Are there risks 
involved?

A: Currently, the surgery offered to lengthen the penis involves
cutting the suspensory ligament. When this is cut, it no longer 
suspends the penis, so you have three-quarters to an inch more 
showing. The problem is that when you get an erection, it points 
straight to the floor. It doesn't suspend it at a right angle. An 
18-year-old's erection points straight up to his belly button; a guy 
middle aged points straight out; and I guess as you get very old-if 
you can still get an erection-it points straight down.  That's 
because the suspensory ligament has lost some of its elasticity.

Q: Do you discourage patients interested in this procedure?

A: Yes. You know, it's also very disfiguring.  I've seen photographs
of people that have had to have plastic surgery to make them look 
normal again. It's an ugly looking scar, and the scrotum can come up 
around the base of the penis: they call it "scrotalization" You know 
how the balls normally hang down below the penis? They can grow 
upward because of the scar, along either side of the penis. It starts 
to look weird.

Q: Not to mention that the fat injected in the penis for
girth-another aspect of the procedure-can become lumpy and sink to 
one part of the penis?

A: That's the most disfiguring part.  Sometimes the fat collects at
mid-shaft, and doubles the diameter in that one section.

Q: You must see things in your practice that most people
don't even know exist. Are there any sex toys or penis tricks that 
can be particularly hazardous to the male organ?

A: Sure, such as cock rings-metal or leather-that are strapped
around the base of the penis. They're used to amplify the erection: 
the blood stays in the penis a lot longer under tighter constriction, 
almost like a tourniquet. The penis can get very cool and blue. If 
allowed to go too far, you can get a thrombosis (a blood clot).  I 
had one guy who got tied up by a dominatrix.  He had rope tied all 
around him, including around his testicles. And then I think he did 
some coke and passed out, so he was like that all night long.  He 
almost lost his penis: the skin was all chafed and he had to stay in 
the hospital ten days with his penis in traction.