AOH :: ST-DRIVE.TXT|
Star Trek TNG: The Driving Game
Date: Thu, 27 Jul 1995 17:21:08 -0400
Subject: STARTREK DRIVING GAME v 1.1
Star Trek: TNG -- The Driving Game
by Chris Josephes
revised by Victor Swindell
Okay here it is. We've heard of the Drinking Game, so now we must logically
have the Driving Game. True, they don't mix and they never should, but I got the idea
one day on a road trip and didn't feel like asking "Are we there yet?" every ten
The synopsis is real simple. Terminology from Star Trek has been converted
to simple terms used while someone drives a car. There have been a couple
times when I've heard the driver of our road trips announce "warp drive" on
the freeway, and until now never realized how almost anything you encounter
on the road can be termed in phrases of Trek.
I'll try and keep this as organized as possible so you'll have
easy reference on the road or whatever (though I'd advise against the
driver reading this). For some parts, you may need to refer to the TNG
Tech Man, but it shouldn't be a real problem.
The Prime Directive
We vow not to interfere with the natural courses of the lives of
others. We will not cut them off, tailgate, drive on the sidewalk, double
park, honk rudely or showing them the "Great Bird of the Galaxy" unless not
doing so would jeopardize our own lives or insurance premiums. We will not
litter our galaxies highways, we will not ask the waitress of the local
"Shoney's" to sing Klingon opera, we won't take the towels from Federation
accommodation outposts, or make fun of and taunt our Romulan Highway Patrol.
Part I: Velocity -- A Simple transfer of MPH to warp factors.
0-9 Maneuvering Thrusters.
10-49 Impulse power.
It is usually broken up like this--
10-19 = 1/4 impulse
20-29 = 1/2 impulse
30-39 = 3/4 impulse
40-49 = Full impulse
50- Warp Power.
Every ten MPH above fifty is equivalent to 1 factor of warp
Ex. Warp 6 is 110 Mph. Unfortunately, this scale does not count for
that "never reaching Warp 10 rule" in TNG, but knowing most of my friends
cars, Warp 8 is pretty much an impossibility at this time.
Part II: Your Automobile/Space Ship -- the Basics
Trunk: Cargo Bay. (Note for vans/station wagons/hatchbacks, etc. this
should be refereed to as the main shuttle bay);
Bicycle/Ski Rack: Shuttle craft hard-docking port;
Engine: Matter/Anti-Matter Reaction Chamber;
Transmission: Warp Nacelles/Impulse Thrusters;
Body: Structural Integrity Field;
Radio: Commlink (also applies to CB and Cellular Phones);
Front Grill: Main deflector dish;
Seat Belt: Inertial Dampening Fields
Heater/Air Conditioner: Life Support; Windshield: View screen/Fore
Scanners; Rear View Mirror: Aft Scanners;
Unleaded Gas: Slush Deuterium
Radar Detector: Tachyon Scanner;
Towing line/winch: Tractor beam;
Big spotlight that plugs into lighter: Auxiliary Scanners;
Rear View Mirror Ornament: Stuffed tribble (probably easy to make)
Rear Windshield Sticker: "Starfleet Academy" (I've actually seen these
Steering Wheel w/ Cruise Control: Flight Control Panel
Parking Break: Manual Docking Clamp
Glove Box: Auxillary Storage OR Computer Database (Isn't that where all the
road maps are stored, as well as the owner's manual for the car?)
Part III: Operational Modes
Docked Mode: Usually for auto maintenance/refueling.
Cruising Mode:Normal driving operations
Yellow Alert: Usually for difficult driving situations (i.e. bad weather)
Red Alert: Hostile situation (i.e. attack from Borg/Romulans) or Near Zero
Part IV: Systems Diagnostic Levels
These pretty much go along the 1-5 scale like on the Big E with Level 1
being the most difficult duty while Level 5 being the least difficult.
The following are examples of each level
Level 5: Check air pressure/Clean windshield
Level 4: Change all filters(air, oil)/Fill all fluids(oil, windshield)
Level 3: Check electrical wiring/Minor secondary systems
Level 2: Remove all engine parts/Clean thoroughly
Level 1: Clean interior of car
Part V: Bridge Stations -- Who does what and where
Flight Control (Conn):Drives the automobile, also responsible or minor
Operations Manager: Allocates resources for crew use. Controls the use of
the Following: road map, food resources. Also records mileage and
pertinent auto/mission data.
Command Station: The Captain of the whole thing. Usually sitting in the
comfort of the back seat. The second in command is usually also with him,
although that position need not be filled if the auto is short-handed.
Tactical: Security Officer. Usually ensures all windows, doors, seat- belts
secure. Plots tactical evasion courses should the need arise, and should
have extensive knowledge of motor vehicle laws in case Romulan highway patrol
manage to pull over auto.
Environment: Controls usage of heater/air conditioner and authorizes use of
windows for ventilation. Also designates which station the radio is on and
what tapes the crew listens to. Naturally this assignment should only be
given to those with good taste.
Science Officer: Has detailed data pertaining to locations of ship and local
customs of environment. Such duties include translating speech with Romulan
HP or Klingon truckers, and should know the exact location of the "Shoney's"
closest to the ship.
Mission OPS: Usually assistant to the Operations Manager, although this
crewman is also in charge of allocating resources to away teams. In the
event that there is NO second officer. Mission OPS should lead away teams.
Engineer: Generally this is the guy with the automotive engineering skills
who has done an extensive study of engines. This person should be in charge
of all refueling and maintenance duties.
Counselor: Designated to make sure everyone has fun on the trip and makes
sure nobody says "Are we there yet?" May frequently introduce a sing-along
during a long mission during times of low moral.
Yellow Shirt: (optional) This good hearted ensign gets to carry the gas can
to the nearest refueling faculty if the need of an emergency refueling
arises. (May also use "Counselor" if no YS is available)
Medical Officer: Makes sure nobody gets too severe cramps due to confinement
Note that like on the BigE there are four duty shifts (each 6 hours long) in
which someone else must take turns at the Conn.
Part VI: Starship/Automotive Classes
Your car: Federation ship (yes, you're always the good guy) Highway Patrol
Car: Romulan Warbird (remember, the Klingons are our allies AND we still
cannot exactly detect a cloaked ship i.e.. behind a billboard)
City Bus: Transport.
Big Rig: Klingons. (Truckers -- the real warriors of the highway)
Tow Truck: The Borg (waiting to assimilate scrap heaps wherever they lurk)
Ambulance: Starfleet Rescue craft
Rich Exotic Import: The Ferengi
ANY Pontiac: Captain's Yacht
Any Saab: Vulcan Ambassador's Shuttle (Mark Lenard does the voiceovers for
Part VII: Various Road Obstacles
Freeway Entrance: Usual entrance to warp drive
Freeway Exit: Usual emergence from warp drive(of course situations in the
past have shown that you can pretty much enter warp anywhere you damn well
Freeway Entrance/Exit that you didn't mean to take: Wormhole!
Speedbump: Continuum Drag
Icy Road: Soliton Wave!
Pothole: Quantum Filament! Car in/off the road:
Wreckage Road kill: Extinct unknown lifeform (usual response from science
Road signs: Starfleet Navigational Guidance Beacons
Part VIII: Special Maneuvers
Entering Freeway: Entering Warp
Exiting Freeway: Leaving Warp
Rockford (180 spin): Full about (hey, not everything gets a neat-o term!)
Evasive Maneuvers: Avoiding Romulans
Swindell Maneuver : You've missed your turn/exit. So you make your way back
Koma Maneuver: You managed to dodge a Romulan Ship (ie did not get a ticket)
Corbomite Maneuver - What you tell the Romulan Officer so that he does not
give you a ticket.
Part IX: Locations on the Road
Howard Johnson's/Shoney's: Ten Forward (the only REAL place to eat on a road
HP office: Romulan Outpost
Information Center: Memory Alpha (Okay, so it's from the books--classic Trek,
Truck Stop : Klingon Oupost
Auto Shop: Assembly Faculty
Gas Station: Refueling Base
Your garage: Dry-dock
Big parking lot: Close Orbit
Parking ramp: Starbase
Toll booth: Ferengi Starbase (ugg)
Traffic Court: Q Continuum
Any Given City: Planet (city name)
Any Given State: Sector (state name)
Any Given Country: Galaxy (country name)
Any Given Planet: (you're taking this game a little too far)
Best Western/ Red Roof Inn/ Howard Johnson's: Crew Accommodations Holiday
Inn/ Ramada: Guest Accommodations Marriot/ Hilton: Officer Accommodations
'South of the Border' (or any outlet mall): Ferengi Outpost
Part X: Away Teams -- how the heck do we handle this?
An away team should consist of the Second Officer or the Mission Ops crewman,
along with any number of expendable crew members. The natural shuttle
variant in the driving game would be a bicycle (preferable a mountain bike)
or it could even be skateboards or roller blades. The logical reasons for
these chosen vehicles are 1) The fit on/in the car very nicely. 2) Like
shuttles, they should never be taken out while in Warp Drive. Typical away
team missions include: 1) retrieving more crew consumable 2) depositing crew
post-consumable 3) negotiating with accommodations manager for a night's
Of course more detailed and taxing missions include: 1) Scouting out a
new area (shuttle may be necessary). 2) Scouting for a good orbital
parking spot 3) emergency refueling
That is about all I can think about for now. I tried to think of some way
to include the transporters but I couldn't think of any. Also I had a couple
ideas for general terms, but not many. If anyone has any suggestions for
additions to the list, send e-mail to KeptinS@aol.com
Special Input from :
Major Cheryl Lynn Jones, Captain Victor Swindell, Lt. Cmdr. Barbara Slater,
Lt. Debra Martin
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