Ah, a letter from Santa!!

              I have been watching you very closely to see if you have 
         been good this year, and since you have, I will be telling my 
         elves to make some goodies for me to leave under your tree at 
         Christmas.

              I was going to bring you all the gifts froms the "Twelve 
         Days of Christmas", but we have had a little problem up here: 
         The Twelve Fiddlers Fiddling have all  come  down  with  V.D.  
         from fiddling with the Ten Ladies Dancing; the Eleven Lords a 
         Leaping  have  knocked up the Eight Maids a Milking;  and the 
         Nine Pipers Playing have been arrested for doing wierd things 
         to the Seven Swans a Swimming.  The Six Geese a Laying,  Four 
         Calling  Birds,  Three French Hens,  Two Turtle Doves and the 
         Partridge in a Pear Tree have me up to my ass in  Bird  Shit.  
         On  top of all this,  Mrs.  Claus is going through menopause, 
         eight of my reindeer are in heat,  the elves have joined  the 
         Gay  Liberation,  and  those  dum-ass  Polacks have scheduled 
         Christmas in Poland for the 5th of February.  

                                                Sincerely,
             
                                                Santa Claus