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"CHRISTMAS: DELETE OR SAVE" by Richard T. Kaser was first published
in The Columbus Dispatch Sunday Magazine, December 19, 1982. This
work was the Christmas short story contest winner.
---------------------------------------------------------------
The CRT 9700 was on the fritz. "Typical. Just typical," Martha said
under her breath when the terminal played back the SEND command. The
text on the screen read:
"MAY YOU EXPERIENCE THE TRUE JOY OF THIS SPECIAL 2,000TH CHRISTMAS.
AND MAY GOD BLESS YOU ALWAYS IN THE FAST APPROACHING 21ST CENTURY.
WITH SEASON'S GREETINGS, MARTHA DEXTER."
The message was precisely as she had composed it, but Martha had
specifically instructed the computer to EDIT <= 50 CHARACTERS. Fifty
was the number of characters that could be sent for exactly 99 cents.
And Martha was stalwart in her resolution to get off for under a
dollar a card this year. The edit program performed beautifully on
the CRT 9700, which was the principal reason she had bought the top
-of-the-line hardware. She assumed that the savings in
telecommunication charges alone would soon repay the initial
investment. The EDIT program was supposed to have condensed the
message to its basic meaning by eliminating any unnecessary words and
all redundancy. It had appeared to Martha as if the CRT 9700 had done
just that when it displayed the edited version on the screen:
"BE JOYFUL THIS CHRISTMAS. BLESSINGS ALWAYS. MARTHA DEXTER."
The edited version was 50 characters exactly, just 99 cents. Though
the message seemed to her somehow lacking the sentiment she had
originally intended, it seemed, after all, to retain the essential
idea -- and at a fraction of the cost. Besides, telegraphic style was
so "pip", as her nephew Stephen would say. She read the edited
version again and said out loud, "Very pip indeed." And gave the CRT
9700 a little pat on its hood. "Nice work 97," she said. "Now let's
switch into the address book.
She typed in the command:
"ADDRSBK."
The screen went blank and then played out the names and addresses of
every one in her book. As the last name and address flashed up on the
screen, the 9700 beeped and wrote out:
"DISPLAY COMPLETED, 127 ENTRIES."
"Gracious," Martha gasped. "We'll have to cut this down."
"EDIT?" the CRT was asking in green flashing letters.
"Oh, yes," Martha said and entered, "YES" as the command.
The 9700 took her back to the first entry:
ADELLO, MARLENA (MRS. ROBERT)
59741 W. EASTMOOR DRIVE
COLUMBUS, OHIO
43215 4216 6215
"Marlena Adello," said Martha, "I thought she moved to Dayton years
ago."
"DELETE OR SAVE," the CRT flashed.
"Marlena Adello," said Martha. "We had those matching poodle skirts
and used to shake the house dancing to Dick Clark."
"DELETE OR SAVE," the CRT flashed.
"Oh, well," said Martha, "it was so long ago."
"DELETE," she typed. Marlena's name vanished from the screen, and the
next entry appeared:
ANDERSON, STEPHEN (MR.)
ROOM 306
HANES HALL
TUFTS UNIVERSITY
MEDFORD, MA
01632 7211 5321
"DELETE OR SAVE," the CRT flashed.
"Well, I suppose the dear boy will be coming home for Christmas. No
use sending a card to the dorm."
"DELETE," she typed and went on.
It took just 15 minutes to get through the list of 127 names as she
commanded DELETE or SAVE for each entry.
"Oh, reverend Cooke won't mind. I'll wish him a Merry Christmas in
person."
DELETE.
"Eva Dagglemeyer never sends out a single card herself. She can't
feel a bit slighted if she doesn't get one from me."
DELETE.
"Old Aunt Lucille. Well, I guess I have to. You never know when it
will be her last.
SAVE.
And with Dr. and Mrs. Edmund Young, saved because Bette brought
cookies across the street last year, the list was done.
"NO MORE ENTRIES," the CRT printed out across the screen:
"95 ENTRIES DELETED, 32 SAVED."
Martha was delighted. "Under $32 for cards," She exclaimned and
patted the machine again. "That's pip. Very pip," she said.
"SEND," she commanded.
"KEYBOARD LOCKED," the terminal responded.
The CRT 9700 seemed to be thinking for a moment as it merged the
addresses with the message. A minute or two passed, and Martha got up
to make coffee while the computer finished the merge.
Just after she left, the screen came back to life. It printed out:
"ADELLO, MARLENA (MRS.), SENDING 146 CHARACTERS.
ANDERSON, STEPHEN (MR.) SENDING 146 CHARACTERS.
COOKE, PETER (REV. & MRS.) SENDING 146 CHARACTERS......."
By the time Martha got the maker to dispense a six-ounce cup of
Nescafe -- purported by Sunbeam to take just 30 seconds -- and by the
time she spooned in the non-dairy creamer and the artificial
sweetener, the CRT 9700 had efficiently finished delivering the mail.
The writing on the screen said proudly:
"MAIL SENT,
127 PRE-PAID MESSAGES,
TOTALING 18,542 CHARACTERS,
$370.84 DEDUCTED FROM CHECKING ACCOUNT 42-8192."
"What?" Martha screamed, slapping the hood of the machine with her
hand. "What have you done?"
"DISPLAY MESSAGE," she typed furiously, jamming the keys.
"ERROR," the 9700 responded. "KEY STROKE TOO HARD TO RECOGNIZE."
"Display the message, you son of a TV," she said as she re-entered
the command.
"MAY YOU EXPERIENCE THE JOY OF THIS MOST SPECIAL 2,000TH
CHRISTMAS....." the CRT typed out -- all 146 characters of the
original draft.
"No. No. No." Martha said. "You ungrateful pip."
"DISPLAY MAILING LIST," she typed. And up came the full file of 127
names included in the address book.
"What do you think I've been sitting here doing all morning? If I'd
wanted to send the Encyclopaedia Britannica to everyone I've bumped
into the street, we could have been bankrupt an hour ago."
"FOR ASSISTANCE, TYPE ?," the CRT flashed.
"?" Martha typed.
"THIS IS 9700 ASSISTANCE," the machine responded.
"WHAT IS YOUR QUESTION? (PLEASE BE CONCISE.)"
Martha typed the following message:
"YOU SENT THE WRONG MESSAGE TO THE WRONG LIST. YOU DID NOT SEND THE
EDITED VERSION OF THE MESSAGE, YOU SENT THE WHOLE MESSAGE. YOU DID
NOT USE THE LIST I EDITED FOR MAILING, YOU USED THE WHOLE ADDRESS
BOOK."
The CRT sat silent for a moment as if thinking again. Then it
responded:
"UNEDITED MESSAGE SENT TO UNEDITED LIST?"
Martha typed "YES."
"IMPOSSIBLE," the 9700 responded. "SYSTEM DEFAULTS TO LAST EDIT."
We'll just see about that," Martha said as she typed "MAIL."
"TO?" the system responded.
"CRT Central Control, who else? Martha said as she type in the
destination code: "43215 3621 4328."
"TEXT?" the CRT asked.
"EMERGENCY, EMERGENCY," type Martha.
"BY MISTAKE SENT 127 MESSAGES.
CAN THEY BE STOPPED?
MARTHA DEXTER, 43210 4216 6118."
"SEND?" asked 9700.
"Of course, you fool." said Martha as she typed the command.
"CRT CONTROL CENTRAL, SENDING 89 CHARACTERS," the CRT typed.
Martha slumped back into her chair. "I can't believe I've spent $400
for Christmas cards," she said. And I thought this machine would save
me money. Please let them be on a delay."
The CRT beeped and displayed this message:
"YOU HAVE MAIL."
"READ MAIL," typed Martha. The message displayed.
"YOUR 127 MSGS, SENT 12-22-1999 AT 13:06:23
HRS WERE DELIVERED 12-22-1999 AT 13:07:01
THANK YOU FOR YOUR PROMPT PAYMENT. CONTROL CENTRAL."
"Typical. Just Typical." said Martha. "The only time Control Central
is running without delay, and I end up paying for it."
"CKBK," type Martha. "I might as well inspect the damage," she said
as she waited for the 9700 to display her checking account statement.
The machine brought up an up-to-the-minute posting of her debits and
credits. Martha scrolled to the bottom line. Under the last entry for
CRT Control Central, a debit in the amount of $370.84, was the final
balance: $902.28.
"How can I afford Christmas?" Martha moaned. "What will I do about
gifts? And I wanted..." She struggled to keep from crying. "I wanted
so much..." She stopped to keep her lip from trembling. "Just a wool
sweater for Stephen. It's so cold in Massachusetts." And she burst
into tears.
The 9700 beeped and flashed the message:
"NEW ENTRY, NEW ENTRY," And as Martha watched, a new debit spilled
out across the screen:
"DEBIT, P.T. MANN ASSOC. RENT. $816.28." The balance line corrected
itself to $86 even.
Martha let out a whimper and then a wail, as twin streams of tears
traced her cheekbones on the way down her face.
"It's all so typical, so typical," she said sobbing. "Christmas never
turns out right. You try so hard, and its always such a... such
a...disappointment."
The CRT 9700 beeped and flashed the message:
"YOU HAVE MAIL, YOU HAVE MAIL,"
"Oh, now what?" said Martha as she regained her composure to type the
command to leave the checking account file and enter the mail box.
The message traced itself out from left to right across the screen.
Martha read it through quickly with bleary eyes and then wiped away
the tears to read it again. It said:
"MSG RCVD. SO NICE. SO GLAD. MISS YOU. MERRY XMAS.
M. ADELLO."
Martha looked silently at the screen. " Miss you," she whispered.
"Marlena Adello! And I thought you were in Dayton all these years.
"NEW MAIL, NEW MAIL," the CRT flashed, beeping as if with excitement.
"SAVE," Martha typed.
"MESSAGE SAVED," the CRT replied.
"NEW MAIL," typed Martha.
"MERRY CHRISTMAS, AUNT MARTHA," the screen displayed. "SHARED YOUR
MESSAGE WITH THE GUYS. ALL LOVED IT. NOT VERY PIP. BUT NICE IN A OLD
FASHIONED KIND OF WAY. GREAT IDEA. LOVE STEPHEN, CLASS OF '02'."
"Oh Stephen, you extravagant boy," she said. 'You should talk. Not
very pip, indeed. Your message must be a hundred units."
"NEW MAIL, NEW MAIL," the CRT flashed again.
Martha saved Stephen's message and called up the new letter.
"YOU SAID IT ALL. NOTHING MORE TO SAY XMAS EVE.
COME ANYWAY. REV. P. COOKE."
"NEW MAIL, NEW MAIL," the CRT flashed and beeped three times.
"MERRY CHRISTMAS, E. DAGGLEMEYER."
Martha laughed and said "Well, it's not much, Eva, but it's
something. I never thought I'd live to see the day when you would
send a card."
And the messages came on and on.
Old Aunt Lucille wrote: "MSG WAS BEST GIFT OF ALL."
Bette Young wrote: "STOP OVER CHRISTMAS DAY, PLEASE."
And when the mail was all in, there were 127 messages in all.
"NO MORE MAIL," the CRT repeated and beeped.
Martha sat back in her chair with a whimsical look on her face,
smiling at the CRT 9700.
"Good work, 97" she said patting the machine on the hood. And then
reached over and turned the terminal off. The machine powered down.
And the screen went blank.
---------------------------------------------------------------
More about the author, Richard T. Kaser.
...As advertising manager for the marketing communications department
at Chemical Abstracts Service, Kaser spends his days writing
promotional copy, advertising and catalogs. But he spends his nights
writing fiction. "I played around with it," the 30 year old said.
"I probably spend four or five nights a week writing...."
He has a journalism degree from from Ohio University and a master's
in journalism from Ohio State University.....
Carol Ann Lease, Editor Sunday Magazine
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