MEMORANDUM


Subject: Fwd: Downsizing Xmas

The recent announcement that Donner and Blitzen have elected
to take the early reindeer retirement package has triggered
a good deal of concern about whether they will be replaced,
and about other restructuring decisions at the North Pole.
Streamlining was necessary due to the North Pole's loss of
dominance of the season's gift distribution business.  Home
shopping channels and mail order catalogues have diminished
Santa's market share.  He could not sit idly by and permit
further erosion of the profit picture.

The reindeer downsizing was made possible through the
purchase of a late model Japanese sled for the CEO's annual
trip.  Improved productivity from Dasher and Dancer, who
summered at the Harvard Business School, is anticipated.
Reduction in reindeer will also lessen airborne
environmental emissions for which the North Pole has
received unfavorable press.

I am pleased to inform you that Rudolph's role will not be
disturbed.  Tradition still counts for something at the
North Pole.  Management denies, in the strongest possible
language, the earlier leak that Rudolph's nose got that way,
not from the cold, but from substance abuse.  Calling
Rudolph "a lush who was into the sauce and never did pull
his share of the load" was an unfortunate comment, made by
one of Santa's helpers and taken out of context at a time of
year when he is known to be under executive stress.

As a further restructuring, today's global challenges
require the North Pole to continue to look for better, more
competitive steps.  Effective immediately, the following
economy measures are to take place in the "Twelve Days of
Christmas" subsidiary:

   - The partridge will be retained, but the pear tree never
     turned out to be the cash crop forecasted.  It will be
     replaced by a plastic hanging plant, providing
    considerable savings in maintenance;

   - The two turtle doves represent a redundancy that is
     simply not cost effective. In addition, their romance
     during working hours could not be condoned. The
     positions are therefore eliminated;

   - The three French hens will remain intact.  After all,
     everyone loves the French;

   - The four calling birds were replaced by an automated
     voice mail system, with a call waiting option.  An
     analysis is underway to determine who the birds have
     been calling, how often and how long they talked;

  - The five golden rings have been put on hold by the
     Board of Directors.  Maintaining a portfolio based on
     one commodity could have negative implications for
     institutional investors. Diversification into other
     precious metals as well as a mix of T-Bills and high
     technology stocks appear to be in order;

   - The six geese-a-laying constitutes a luxury which can
     no longer be afforded. It has long been felt that the
     production rate of one egg per goose per day is an
     example of the decline in productivity. Three geese
     will be let go, and an upgrading in the selection
     procedure by personnel will assure management that from
     now on every goose it gets will be a good one;

   - The seven swans-a-swimming is obviously a number chosen
     in better times.  The function is primarily decorative.
     Mechanical swans are on order. The current swans will
     be retrained to learn some new strokes and therefore
     enhance their outplacement;

  - As you know, the eight maids-a-milking concept has been
     under heavy scrutiny by the EEOC. A male/female balance
     in the workforce is being sought. The more militant
     maids consider this a dead-end job with no upward
     mobility.  Automation of the process may permit the
     maids to try a-mending, a-mentoring or a-mulching;

   - Nine ladies dancing has always been an odd number.
     This function will be phased out as these individuals
     grow older and can no longer do the steps;

   - Ten Lords-a-leaping is overkill.  The high cost of
     Lords plus the expense of international air travel
     prompted the Compensation Committee to suggest
     replacing this group with ten out-of-work congressmen.
     While leaping ability may be somewhat sacrificed, the
     savings are significant because we expect an oversupply
     of unemployed congressmen this year;

   - Eleven pipers piping and twelve drummers drumming is a
     simple case of the band getting too big.  A
     substitution with a string quartet, a cutback on new
     music and no uniforms will produce savings which will
     drop right down to the bottom line;

We can expect a substantial reduction in assorted people,
fowl, animals and other expenses.  Though incomplete,
studies indicate that stretching deliveries over twelve days
is inefficient.  If we can drop ship in one day, service
levels will be improved. Regarding the lawsuit filed by the
attorney's association seeking expansion to include the
legal profession ("thirteen lawyers-a-suing") action is
pending.

Lastly, it is not beyond consideration that deeper cuts may
be necessary in the future to stay competitive.  Should that
happen, the Board will request management to scrutinize the
Snow White Division to see if seven dwarfs is the right
number.

  --'-,-{@
   Rita