AOH :: P14-07.TXT

Phrack World News Special Edition #1

                                ==Phrack Inc.==
                            Issue XIV, File 7 of 9
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      PWN                                                             PWN
      ^*^                 ^*^  Phrack World News  ^*^                 ^*^
      PWN                      Special Edition I                      PWN
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      PWN                Edited, Compiled, and Written                PWN
      ^*^                     by Knight Lightning                     ^*^
      PWN                                                             PWN
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Welcome to the first Phrack World News "Special Edition."  In this issue we
have two parts.  The first section deals with possible news stories of the
future after the weekend of June 19-21... SummerCon '87!  The second section is
a presentation of acronyms that never were, but should be.  All posts have been
taken from Metal Shop Private prior to its takedown in June.  Posts have been
edited for this presentation.
PWN Special Edition is not a regular series and will only appear when the
author deems it necessary to release one.   Please keep in mind that all
material in this file was written several weeks prior to SummerCon '87 and
therefore the events chronicled here are supposed fiction and comedy.
Thank you -KL.
Name: Phantom Phreaker
SummerCon Prank Backfires                                         June 31, 1987
Well, the SummerCon went over well, except when the convention attendees stole
every payphone in the building and placed them in front of Taran King's hotel
room, rang the door, and shouted "Room Service."  Needless to say, Taran King
is now in jail until he can pay for all the stolen payphones.
Name: Knight Lightning
Phreak/Hack World Shut Down!                                      June 21, 1987
It happened yesterday when John Maxfield accompanied by Ralph Meola, Richard
Proctor, Dan Pasquale, Edward P. Nowicki, and several members of the FBI,
Secret Service, National Security Agency, and local baggers 402 literally
invaded SummerCon '87, the annual phreak/hack reunion.  It has been reported
that a total of 97 suspects have been placed in custody with crimes linking
them to jay walking, loitering, curfew violation, disturbing the peace, and
belching in excessive amounts.
Details are sketchy but it appears that it all started when a very drunk pair
of twins decided to visit the local McDonald's and demanded a COSMOS Sundae
with passwords on the side.  When a very confused McDonald's employee refused,
they became agitated and whipped out a blue box using it to open the "trunks"
of all the cars in the parking lot and then finally throwing it at an employee.
A mad crowd of people rushed to the Best Western Executive International Inn
and tried to storm the building when the other previously mentioned uninvited
guests arrived.
Final remarks from the twins... "So who wants to discuss CAMA?"
 Information provided by F. R. Newsline Services and on the scene reporting by
            Broadway Hacker (arrested for attempted prostitution).
Name: Thomas Covenant
SummerCon '87 "Laugh Riot"; Numerous Phreaks Still Missing        June 25, 1987
(St Louis, PP)  Authorities are still searching for the nearly 100 missing
telecom enthusiasts who gathered in town over the weekend for a convention.
Apparently the missing parties were sitting around, undergoing the intake of
many assorted consciousness altering chemicals, when a strange young man with
shoulder length hair and wearing a Judas Priest jacket appeared.  He forced
them all into a white 1957 Chevy pickup and took off, leaving only Evil Jay and
Thomas Covenant behind.  Evil Jay was quoted as saying it was a "laugh riot."
Thomas Covenant had nothing to say as he is in shock from the incident and
currently undergoing treatment at the St Louis Home for the Terminally
Name: Phantom Phreaker
Computer Enthusiasts Infected With The AIDS Virus                 June 22, 1987
From St. Louis Post Dispatch
They called it "SummerCon," a gathering of "phone phreaks" and computer hackers
who are loosely organized around a network of computer bulletin boards.
However, tragedy struck the meeting when the hacker named Evil Jay tricked
another hacker, Suicidal Nightmare, into entering the room belonging to
Broadway Hacker.  Suicidal Nightmare was found in the parking lot with a torn
As if this wasn't bad enough, Broadway Hacker then went wild and began trying
to molest the smallest hackers there.  He could be seen chasing Kango Kid while
screaming about a flaming mailbox and rubbing his genital area.
Other problems arose from the hackers meeting, several people were arrested
for possession of cannibus and illegal possession of alcohol.  The other
charges included:
o  Intoxicated Pedestrian
o  Disturbing the Peace
o  Contributing to the delinquency of a minor
o  Failure to yield at stop sign
o  No turn signal
o  Theft of telephones
o  Verbally harrassing telephone operators
As you can see, these computer 'hackers' have no morals and decency and should
not be allowed to meet.
(C) Post Dispatch 2050
    Written by Jack Meoff
Name: Knight Lightning
Phreak World Crippled; SummerCon Causes Despair                   June 22, 1987
Today the phreak world was astounded and dealt a horrifying blow as all the
phreaks who attended SummerCon, left with their entire phreak knowledge
literally erased from their minds due to an excess of drinking and other
unknown mind altering substances.  It is unknown as to if these effects are
temporary or a lifetime destruction.
Anarchy World Takes Charge                                        June 23, 1987
MetaliBashers Inc., have become the new "LOD" of the modem world since all of
the LOD members no longer can even remember what LOD stands for (in fact no one
can, and forget I mentioned it!).  With MBI taking charge, the new wave of the
modem world has turned strictly anarchy, although there are rumors of various
pirating organizations beginning to unload new wares soon.
Investigators Lose Jobs!                                          June 24, 1987
John Maxfield reportedly lost ALL contracts today when it was discovered that
the phreak/hack community was completely destroyed thus no one needed
protection from them.  He has now taken a job with the local sanitation
management firm to help figure out what to do with all the garbage now that
the phreak community wasn't stealing 1/3 of it anymore.
Name:  Evil Jay
Suicidal Nightmare - History                                      June 23, 1987
Suicidal Nightmare met death head on when Evil Jay knocked on his door
pretending to be a lineman checking on his line.  Once inside, Jay proceeded
to swing a hand set at him with amazing accuracy.  Once dragged outside, Jay
then proceeded to tie Suicidal naked to a tree and call the ever-lovin'
Broadway Hacker over to do his stuff.  Jay was last heard pleading insanity.
Suicidal Nightmare remains in intensive care, and Broadway Hacker is happy.
That is the last of the news reports, now on with "Those Amazing Acronyms...!"
Name: Doom Prophet
FUCK-Facilities Utilization Control Kitchen.  A really hot office.  They keep
     backups of all systems per a LATA, or in special cases, the entire BOC
     area, along with user logs and passwords.  They use the CUNTLICK system to
     in|åsface with SHIT, explained momentarily.  They are difficult to reach
     as no one knows their number, and anyone calling it has to enter a special
     queue dispenser where he enters routing information to reach the FUCK ACD.
     The FUCK technicians answer as normal subscribers and you have to tell
     them a codeword.
PENIS-Plant Engineering Network Information System.  Used by the PMS to deal
      with outside plant details and layout maps.
CUNTLICK-Computer Utilities Network In the Control Kitchen.  Used to sensor
         with SHIT.
SHIT-Supreme Hardware Inventory Totals.  Self explanatory.
CRAP-Customer Repair Analysis Service.  They use PENIS to supply PMS with info.
PISS-Primary Intertoll Switching Servicemen.  Co-ordinate classes 1 through 4
     toll offices and monitor the STP's.
BITCH-Building Installation Table Channel.  Used by SHIT technicians to obtain
      new switch and office status.
SCAB-Switching Cable Analysis Bureau.  They work with PMS for trunk testing and
     maintenance.  The systems they use are FART and DOPAMINE.
BASTARD-Box Accessible System To Aid Real D00ds.  A special in band NPA with
        full OSC support for blue boxers to experiment within legally.  Only
        operating in special areas.
Name: Phantom Phreaker
DOGSHIT-Division Operations Group SHIT (see above post).  DOGSHIT is like SHIT,
        except that DOGSHIT is in a division.
CATPISS-Centralized Automatic Tandem Priorities Interexchange Support System.
BEER-Bell Electrical Engineering Research
COOL-Computerized Operations On Loops
Name: Taran King
BOOGER-Bell Operational Office for Generation of ESS Reports.  Self Explanitory
STAN-Spanish Tacos And Nachos.  This support group, Californian based,
     maintains food services for all superior employees (all employees).
NATE-Nacho And Taco Emissary.  This department secretly interfaces STAN with
     the rest of the network due to the STAN group's inability to fit in with
     society.  **Due to divestiture, NATE and STAN are no longer part of the
IL DUCE-Not an acronym, but the janitorial services department of the network.
PUMPKIN-Peripheral Unit Modulator Phor Kitchen Installations of NATE.  This
        group is in charge of interfacing kitchen activities through Project
        Genesis. See RAPE.
BRRR-RING-The official word for the sound an AT&T phone makes receiving an
          incoming call.
BANANA-Basic Analog Network Analog Network Analog (No wonder they went digital)
RAPE-Red Afro-PUMPKIN Enthusiast.  This group, led by Peter, cheers IL DUCE
     while he sweeps the floors.
SCOOP-Secondary Command Output Only Procedure.  This converts all text to
      lower case.  It is a function used in most Bell computers along with LEX.
LEX-Lengthy Explanitory Xlations.  This program, found alongside SCOOP,
    converts all lowercase text, from SCOOP, into upper case and 40 columns
    surrounded by "$"s.
** Warning!  Never leave SCOOP and LEX running simultaneously or you will
surely cause L666 to occur. **
L666-The warning message generated by computers indicating endless Loops of
     conflicting jobs.  This also indicates that everything is fucked.  See
LOKI-Life Over-Kill Inscentive.  If you find this error message on your
     computer, do not reboot the computer, but be sure to reboot something.
Name: The Disk Jockey
SNATCH-Senses Nodes And Traps Code Hackers
TITS-Telephone Involved in Tandom Skipping
PUBIC-Plastered Uniforms Brought Inside CO (An employee infraction)
RAD-Receive Analog Department
DISC-Deadbeats Instinctively Scanning for Carriers
LAP-Local Area Payphone
Or use the codewords that Linemen and Telco employees use....
This                  Means This
----                  ----------
"OHFUCKNIGS"          "I'm trapped in a phone booth in a black neighborhood"
"FIDOFUCK"            "A customer's pet dog has me trapped up a pole"
"HOMEBONE"            "I got laid while doing a customer's installation"
"SNOOZEBOX"           "I'm sleeping, but saying I'm fixing little green boxes"
This concludes Phrack World News Special Edition.  I hope you enjoyed it.  If
you have any comments or ideas be sure to get in touch with me or Taran King.
:Knight Lightning

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