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SCAM! Magazine - Issue #1




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VOL 1  NO 1         SCAM! MAGAZINE          June 1993           FREE ONLINE!
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                          LEGALITIES AND DISCLAIMER

     "SCAM!" MAGAZINE is published solely for informational and entertainment
purposes.  The publishers and authors in no way wish to encourage or promote
unlawful and/or criminal activities of any nature or sort, but merely wish to
furnish the materials contained herein in accordance with the practices and
policies established by the IIRG and pursuant to the Freedom of Information
Act.  Local, State and Federal laws provide severe civil and criminal
penalties for unlawful and/or criminal activity which may include fines and/
or imprisonment.  The publisher and authors absolve themselves from all
actions, direct or indirect, consequential or inconsequential, resulting from
the readers of this publication.  SEE, READ AND UNDERSTAND ALL WARNINGS
CONTAINED HEREIN.  THIS MAGAZINE IS AVAILABLE FOR AND ONLY TO BE READ BY
PERSONS OVER THE AGE OF 18 YEARS.


ARTICLES IN THIS ISSUE

     1.  "SCAM!", the Latest Magazine
             by The Producer

     2.  Turn Stamps into Cash!
             by The Producer

____________________________________________________________________________





                        "SCAM!": THE LATEST MAGAZINE!
                               by The Producer

          You've read them all -- on-line magazines purporting to solve the
world's problems, offering you the "latest" techniques in pulling a fast one,
etc.  Only problem is, the guy who's telling you how to solve the world's
problems is having a problem paying his rent, and his "latest" techniques were
probably developed and tested while watching "Sonny & Cher" on CBS.  Fed up, I
was, reading these antiquated, useless offerings.  The time has come, I cried,
to at last furnish the outside world with something new, something refreshing.

          Sure, I can't solve the world's problems (and wouldn't want to even
if I could; I seek wealth, not fame), and sure, I can't come up with some of
those complex configurations and schematics like others have done.  Yet, how
about offering some very simple, basic suggestions -- for purely informational
purposes only -- to those friendly BBSers?  That's when the idea came:
"SCAM!", a fresh magazine not purporting to offer mind-blowing philosophies,
not purporting to change your life from rags to riches, but merely offering
foolproof and proven tips and tricks which are generally simple to understand,
simple to implement, easy to use and fun to try -- I mean, fun to read about.

          Anyway, unlike other on-liner mags who give the glory and the
beauty, read a few issues of "SCAM!" and you just might find yourself doing
better off here than with those glamour guys.  Please enjoy "SCAM!" and pass
it along to others, as the information contained in "SCAM!" is for the
millions to know.

         Post-Script:  What if, I thought, you are downloading this sometime
in the year 1997 or 1998 and, being that this issue is brand new as of 1993,
just read my whole speech about magazines being obsolete?  Well, that's your
fault, babe -- you should have been smart enough to know where to find this
magazine back in 1993!  If you weren't, what the hell can I do about it??!!
Anyway, chances are most of what you'll find in "SCAM!" will be just as
applicable now in 1993 as it will be in the next five or six years, maybe
more.  There are so many fools in the country that it will likely take quite
some time for them to "get wise" to some of the "SCAMs" in "SCAM!"


_____________________________________________________________________________

                            TURN STAMPS INTO CASH!
                               by The Producer

         June, 1993. --  Though the rewards are generally minimal, this little
scheme can, if really done properly, generate thousands of dollars in extra
income just in your spare time.  Generally, people think of stamps as
something to lick and paste on envelopes.  However, these small square
beauties can be obtained and converted into cash easier than you thought.
First we will discuss how to obtain small quantities of stamps and turn them
into cash.  Then, implementing this technique, the discussion shall transcend
into larger quantities of stamps and higher post-conversion revenues.


Getting Small Quantities of Stamps

         The best place to find small quantities of stamps is where you work.
Even if your employer uses a Pitney Bowes machine (that's the little gizmo
that imprints in pink the precise amount of the stamp directly on the right
upper corner of the envelope), chances are that he or she STILL has need for
regular stamps.  Why?  First, they're useful to mail out "self-addressed
stamped envelopes" to business clients, because the Pitney Bowes inkstamps
must have a date pre-written on them and there's no sure way of knowing on
what day the clients will return that envelope.  Second, they're a necessity
if the Pitney Bowes malfunctions, or if letters are needed to be mailed at a
time the Pitney Bowes is being brought to the post office for overhaul or
postage add-on.  Third, most employers are older and, since you "can't teach
an old dog new tricks", rely on having stamps just because that's what they're
used to relying on.  For whatever the reason, these stamps are most likely
available where you work.

          Take the time to subtly question fellow employees as to the
whereabouts of the stamps, if you do not already know where they are.  When
the opportunity arises, do the necessary and remove them from their
whereabouts, casually tucking them inside your shirt sleeve or jeans pocket,
and bring them home with you.  Your employer will never know they're missing
if you remember one thing:

          *** SCAM RULE #1:  DON'T BE A PIG!! ***

This is EVER so important, and this rule will be quoted many more times in
"SCAM!"  One of the most important keys to not being discovered is to not be
greedy.  If you want it all, you'll wind up with nothing.  The successful
takers are those who take 75% and leave 25% behind.  Thus, should you find
$100 worth of stamps in someone's drawer, leave $25.00 and take $75.00.  The
75-25 rule, by the way, is a good one to generally go by.

         Now, you're saying, "what if I only find $10.00 worth of stamps, what
then?  Is all this shit worth it for just $10.00?"  No, of course it's not!
What you must then do is go directly to your employer and tell your employer,
"Did you know we only have $10.00 worth of stamps left in the whole office?
We'd better get some more, fast!"  Believe me, it won't take long for your
employer to get more in.  You might also suggest volunteering to go to the
post office on your lunchhour to pick some more stamps up, taking a business
check with you to do it (we'll discuss more on that later -- be patient!)
Whether your employer gets more stamps himself, sends someone else to the post
office to get them or sends you (the last being the most ideal situation),
either way you'll soon have most likely at least $100 worth of stamps for the
taking.

         *** SCAM! SUGGESTION: ***

              Find friends who have access to stamps where they
         work, and tell them you can get them 50 cents for every
         dollar's worth of stamps they get you.  Most persons
         will jump at that offer, and you can obtain slightly
         larger quantities that way.  NOTE:  First try doing
         this whole thing on your own, alone, until you get the
         hang of it and feel comfortable.


You've Got the Stamps, Now What?

         Now, you're pretty much home free with easy cash in your pocket,
that's what!!  Here's the deal:  You sell them back to the post office.

         The U. S. Post Office currently has a regulation that prohibits
acceptance of loose stamps, for health reasons.  The theory is that the
original purchaser of the stamps might have placed their tongue on them, or
placed the stamps in some unsanitary area.  That being the case, the stamps
being returned would then be headed for re-sale and would pose a "health risk"
to potential buyers.  Somewhat farfetched, I know, but that IS the law.  The
loophole is this:  the Post Office CAN, however, accept for refund stamps that
are in a SEALED CONTAINER.  Have you ever gone to the post office to buy 29-
cent stamps in a roll of 100?  You will note that these stamp rolls are sealed
in plastic.  Were you to purchase a roll of 100 stamps for $29.00 and go back
to the post office saying you really didn't need it and could you get the
money back, since the stamps were in a sealed container they WILL give you
back $29.00 in cash for the roll.

         This loophole is very important, and is the crux of how to turn
stamps back into cash.  The loophole, however, is a generally objective one;
that is, the post office is compelled by law to conform with these Federal
regulations, but doesn't always.  The post office is afforded a great deal of
lattitude even though the regulations very specifically state what to do and
what not to do.  Here is a brief summary of what is meant by this:

         1.  The post office will GENERALLY take back stamps in sealed,
             plastic containers for refund.

         2.  The post office will GENERALLY refund you the full face value of
             the returned, sealed stamps.

         3.  The post office is NOT OBLIGATED BY LAW to take back stamps in
             sealed, plastic containers for refund.

         4.  The post office is NOT OBLIGATED BY LAW to refund you for ANY
             stamps at ANY time.

         5.  The post office will almost NEVER refund you cash for ANY stamps
             that are not in sealed containers.


Changing Loose Stamps into Sealed Rolls

         The only slightly irritating part in this -- and it's not hard, it
only requires you making about 15-20 telephone calls or so:  Find a post
office that will convert the loose stamps you have into sealed rolls of 29-
cent stamps.  Remember, you can ONLY get refunds on sealed stamps and, to the
author's knowledge, the only stamps that are sealed are 29-cent stamps.  Thus,
regardless what denomination stamps you have, be they 23-cent stamps, 2-cent
stamps or $1-stamps, you must try to convert them all into 29-cent stamps,
preferably 29-cent sealed rolls.  The sealed rolls come in quantities of 100
and 500, costing $29.00 and $145.00 respectively at the post office window.

         By trial and error -- and believe me, this is NOT difficult --you
must call post offices and say the following:

              "Excuse me, but I have about ($50.00 worth of 23-cent stamps)
         and they're really useless to me.  I need 29-cent stamps.  Could I
         possibly come down sometime tomorrow afternoon and could you exchange
         them for me?"

Mention nothing about rolls, sealed or unsealed.  Generally, you will hear
something like the following:

              "I'm sorry, but by Federal law we are prohibited from taking
         back any loose stamps.  Unfortunately, there's nothing you can do."

To this, you merely say, "Thank you for your help," hang up, and call the next
post office.  I can ASSURE you that you will eventually find some post office
that will do this for you; it is NOT difficult to do, but don't get
discouraged by unsuccessful attempts and TOTALLY disregard statements from any
post office worker that this cannot be done; remember, these are post office
workers you're talking to, not brain surgeons!  Also remember SCAM! rule #2:

         *** SCAM! RULE #2:  99% of people in ANY line of business
             have NO idea what the fuck they're doing! ***

         *** SCAM! SUGGESTION ***

             Small post offices in rural areas will generally
             be more willing to accomodate you; large post
             offices in big cities will be more apt to enforce
             the no-exchange policy and will be useless to you.

         One VERY important point is:  after you've located a post office
willing to do the exchange, be CERTAIN to ask for the first name of the person
you spoke with (don't ask their last name, because this is too formal and
looks too conspicuous; remember, you want to be on a friendly level with this
person, who's doing you a nice favor).  Also, make CERTAIN that this person
will be working at the time you actually go down for the conversion.  If you
do not do this, you may be very disappointed to find that another clerk in the
same post office will deny your request, which can be quite irritating if
you've driven ten or twenty extra miles to that out-of-town post office.
Merely inquire of this person if he or she will be in on the day you expect to
drop by; if not, merely ask when he or she will be working next.  This is not
an unusual question to ask, and you won't be looked at twice for asking it, so
don't worry; just ask.


20-Quantity Booklets for $5.80

         Now, suppose you have $105.00 worth of stamps.  $105.00 doesn't
mathematically divide evenly into $29.00, so then what?  Simple:  Take the
$105.00 worth of stamps into the found post office with you.  Ask your contact
(the post office employee who promised he or she would do the exchange) to
give you three 100 rolls of 29-cent stamps (that's 300 29-cent stamps, but in
sealed rolls, mind you), which of course is worth $87.00 ($29 X 3).  However,
you brought them $105 worth of stamps and now have $18 left.  What do you do
with the remaining $18 worth of stamps?  Well, the post office also puts out
booklets/packets of twenty 29-cent stamps, running 20 X $0.29 or $5.80 each.
You would request three of these booklets, or $17.40 worth ($5.80 X 3 =
$17.40).  So, with your $105.00 in loose stamps you now have three 100-
quantity, sealed rolls of 29-cent stamps and three 20-quantity booklets of 29-
cent stamps, and 60 cents left over ($105.00 - $87.00 - $17.40 = $0.60).  Take
the 60 cents worth of stamps and just use it to mail something out; there's
nothing you can do with it, unless you want to accumulate these small
remainders for the next time you try to pull this off.  Anyway, the 60 cents
isn't important because, remember:

           *** SCAM RULE #1:  DON'T BE A PIG! ***


What To Do With Loose 29-Cent Stamps

         What if the stamps you have are loose, 29-cent stamps?  Then, what?
What logical reason could you give the post office for exchanging these loose
stamps into sealed 29-cent stamps?  Simple:  The sealed stamps come in rolls
... that's the whole key!  There are small plastic holders you can buy that
these stamp rolls fit into, which dispense the stamps one by one.  Tell the
post office you have these extra loose stamps which are a pain-in-the-ass to
use because you have a stamp dispenser at work and you can't load them into
it; tell them that you need the sealed rolls instead.


Converting the Rolls into Cash

         You're only one short step away from cash-in-your-pocket now.  You
have come into the post office with useless, loose stamps, most likely in
varying denominations, and have now left the post office with fresh, sealed,
29-cent rolls and possibly some 29-cent booklets too.  Simply now go home and
call up some more post offices, telling them the following if, for example,
you have three sealed rolls ready to be "cashed in":

               "Excuse me, but a few days ago I purchased six rolls of 29-cent
         stamps, but I think I bought too many and I was wondering if I could
         bring back two or three rolls."

What you generally will hear is this:

              "I'm sorry, but the post office cannot give you money back for
         stamps you bought."

Try just a few more times, and you'll find a post office GLAD to accomodate
you.  Some things to note:  Rest easy, for it is more time-consuming to find a
post office willing to exchange loose stamps for sealed stamps than it is to
find a post office willing to refund you; again, this part is MUCH easier, and
it will probably take you only four or five phone calls to find an
accomodating post office.  Secondly, if a post office tells you they'll only
refund you 80 cents on the dollar or something like that, tell them to SCREW
OFF and take your precious business elsewhere!!  This scheme is belittling and
insulting, and there is NO NEED for you to settle on anything less than the
FULL face value of your sealed rolls.

         Remember, again, to get only the first name of the person you spoke
to and make sure he or she is working at the time you go in to give the sealed
stamp rolls and get the cash.

         *** SCAM! SUGGESTION ***

              You will have a much better chance of finding a
         post office to give you a refund if, when calling, you
         tell the post office that you live in the city the
         post office serves; that you purchased the stamps for
         business purposes (if asked, say you do business out
         of your home); and that you actually purchased the
         stamps from that very post office.  If asked by whom
         or what the clerk looked like, merely state that you
         personally didn't purchase them but rather had one of
         your employees go down to buy them.

         Don't be squeamish about producing your drivers license for the
refund; 95% of the time it's not required and, on the 5% of the time it is
required, the license is generally just glanced at by the flea-brained postal
clerk and nothing is jotted down.  Even if your license number were to be
taken down, it STILL is garbage because remember, you're simply providing real
stamps to the post office for real money.  You're breaking no laws, and
there's nothing to be concerned or scared about.

         *** SCAM! SUGGESTION ***

              When going down to the post office for exchange
         or refund (step 1 or step 2 as set forth above), use
         your brain:  If you're in a big-city post office
         where most office workers would be dressed with a
         shirt and tie, wear a shirt and tie when you go down.
         If you're in a rural area, dress rurally.  That is,
         make sure to blend in and give the necessary
         appearance.  Though this not essential, it will
         certainly make your goings-on easier.

         *** SCAM! SUGGESTION ***

              If you go down to the post office and they give
         you a hard time about anything, BE INSULTED!!  After
         all, you are a post office customer who was promised
         something over the phone and is now being denied it.
         Of course, don't go haywire and get crazy; just act
         offended in a slightly above-average way and this
         will sometimes assist you in getting what you want.
         Remember, even if you must leave with nothing
         accomplished, there exists an alternate post office
         that WILL accomodate you.


What to Do With the $5.80 Booklets

         You've now converted the sealed rolls back into cash, and have no
doubt pocketed maybe $100 or $200, more even if you work for a large company
or get friends to get you stamps.  But what about those $5.80 packets?

         Generally, these will not be accepted for cash refund by the post
office because they are not sealed and to do so would be in violation of the
health code provision (see above).  However, these packets are still of value.
For example, locate a pharmacy or convenience store near you that sells
packets of stamps as a courtesy to customers.  Develop a rapport with the
owner or cashier at the store, and ask if it would be alright to give him or
her a few packets of stamps in return for something in the store, telling this
person that you had gone to the post office and bought more stamps than you
really needed.

         For example, if you wanted to purchase a carton of cigarettes for
$20.00, you might instead offer three packets of stamps ($17.40) and $2.60 in
cash for the cigs.  You would be surprised, but many storeowners are willing
to accomodate because their policy of selling stamps was initialized solely to
make their customers feel more at home.  By doing a "barter trade" with you,
which this essentially is, they're making you feel at home and thus
accomplishing their very goal; in a different sort of way, mind you, but
they're still accomplishing it.  To them, that's all that matters.


Summary of Key Points So Far

         I.  Get loose stamps from work and have friends you know do the same,
             offering them 50 cents on the dollar for their acquisitions.

        II.  Find a post office to do the conversion from loose stamps to
             sealed ones, as described above.  Get (1) the maximum number of
             $29.00 sealed rolls you can, and then (2) get the maximum number
             of $5.80 packets you can, and then (3) use any remainder (35
             cents, 41 cents, 60 cents, etc.) as regular stamps for yourself.

       III.  Find another post office to convert sealed rolls into cash, and
             do not accept anything less than full face value of the rolls.

        IV.  Find a store to barter the packets away for convenience items
             such as food, cigarettes, etc.

         *** SCAM! SUGGESTION ***

             If you are dealing with a quantity of $300 or more worth of
         stamps for conversion, find out if the post office has sealed 500-
         quantity rolls instead of the traditional 100-quantity.  When you
         call up the post office and say you bought "one roll too many", the
         clerk will think it's just a 100-quantity roll by default, not
         anticipating the larger, 500-quantity roll.  Thus, you might be able
         to obtain a larger amount of cash more easily.

         *** SCAM! SUGGESTION ***

              If you have 20 sealed rolls to convert into cash, don't barge
         into one post office and claim you bought 20 rolls too many!  Rather,
         go to six or seven post offices and tell each of them you bought
         three or four rolls too many.  Be real, NO ONE in their right mind
         would actually believe you overbought TWENTY rolls of stamps (that's
         2,000 stamps!)


Larger Quantities of Stamps:  Deriving Potentially Unlimited Profits

         So far, I've elaborated the basics when dealing with stamps from
work, stamps from friends, etc.  All well and good, but we're only talking
about $100, $200, maybe $500 tops in all likelihood, right? (although it must
be said that once a small envelope containing a mere $638 in stamps was
found!)  Anyway, it's still little-league stuff.  You do want the thousands of
dollars, don't you?  You do want to play in the majors, don't you?  Well, some
good news and some bad news, my fellos SCAM!mers: The good news is, you can
do it!  The bad news is, it's riskier -- VERY riskier.  Whether you want to
attempt it or not is up to you.  Personally, I strongly advise against it
unless there is some life-threatening emergency such as mother in the
hospital, imminent eviction, car radio not working right, etc.  For
information purposes, there are two techniques, as follows:


Method I:  Company Checks for Stamps

         Please remember earlier that I mentioned the best scenario is for you
to get your employer to give you a company check and have you go down to the
post office and purchase stamps yourself.  This is true because you will get
the experience of going down and buying stamps for a company, namely, the
company you work for.  This experience will make you less apprehensive when
you do it for a NON-EXISTANT company!!

         Essentially, the post office treats business checks like gold.  If
you were to go to a post office and give them your personal check and ask for
$5 worth of stamps, you can best believe you will be asked to produce
identification up to your ass.  But, give the post office a business check and
ask for $150 worth of stamps, and they won't bat an eyelid.

         Knowing this, you must create checks that have a fictitious company
name and address.  Choose an address that is in a small city that has many
neighboring cities, not necessarily small ones.  You will essentially make the
rounds from post office to post office within a 10- or 20-mile radius of the
address you've printed on the check, purchasing sealed rolls at each post
office.

         In elementary-school-like handwriting, make each business check out
in advance, payable to the postmaster.  For example: if you were producing a
business check at a post office in Cleveland, Ohio (which for the life of me I
don't know why anyone would go to Cleveland, even to do this!), you would use
your poorest handwriting and, in pen, make the check payable to "POSTMASTER
-CLEVELAND POST OFFICE" --exactly like that.  Then, in a completely different,
barely legible handwriting and preferably with a different-colored, medium-
point "Flare" or something like that, sign a fictitious name on the signature
line.  Why the two handwriting styles?  Simple:  Most corporate officers have
their secretaries fill out the checks; then, the officers sign them.  The
secretaries' handwriting is generally poor; the corporate officers' signatures
are usually barely legible and often are written on medium-point Flare's, or
the equivalent.

         *** SCAM! SUGGESTION ***

         If you're ambidextrous, use one hand to make out the check and
         use the other hand to sign it.  If you're not ambidextrous,
         you should make it a practice of learning how to be.  It IS
         possible to become ambidextrous in ONE MONTH.


         Make each check out for not more than $200, as eyebrows may be
raised.  In fact, since you now know that sealed rolls will make your life
easier, I would suggest making each check out for exactly $145, or 5 sealed
29-cent rolls of 100.  Five is an even, inconspicuous number.  You could of
course try for six rolls, which would be $174 and still under $200, but
remember:

         *** SCAM! RULE #1:  DON'T BE A PIG!! ***

         By producing, say, 20 checks from the same fictitious business at 20
different post offices (and, with the proper road maps you can EASILY cover 20
post offices in one day), you would receive $145 in stamps from each post
office, or $2,900 in stamps!!  Not bad, huh?  Now, applying the techniques set
forth in the small-scale operation above, find different post offices to do
the conversion from sealed rolls to cash.  This simple operation can net you
almost THREE THOUSAND DOLLARS in TWO working days.  NOTE:  First read and
understand ALL warnings below pertaining to BOTH large-scale methods.

         *** SCAM! SUGGESTION ***

         In the large-scale operation, when choosing post offices to
         convert the sealed rolls into cash, choose post offices in
         a different State.

         WARNING:  DO NOT produce phony business checks unless you are
ABSOLUTELY sure how to do so!

          [What?  You don't know how to make phony business checks?  I'm
SHOCKED!  It's SO easy!  Sorry, but we have to keep you on your toes guessing
somehow ... if you don't know how to do this, the technique will be described
in a forthcoming edition of SCAM!  Again, sorry about this, but if all the
cards were laid out on the table now, there'd be no reason for future issues
of this magazine!!!]


Method II:  Ordering Stamps by Mail

         The post office has a great new gimmick whereby you can order stamps
right in the mail, without ever having to go to the post office to pick them
up.  Essentially tailor-made for this scam, it works like this:

         You can obtain a form at ANY post office to do this.  Merely ask your
postal clerk for an ordering-stamps-by-mail form or locate the form at the
post office desk and take one or two (or fifty) home with you.  They're free.
On the form you will find various denominations of stamps you can order (10-
cent, 23-cent, 29-cent, $1 stamps, etc.), and you can fill out exactly how
many you want of each.  You enclose your personal OR business check payable to
the Postmaster of that branch (as described above) and receive the stamps very
shortly thereafter.  Here, no ID is needed regardless of whether you furnish
an individual OR a business check, however duplicated real business checks are
preferred (how to make duplicated real business checks will also be discussed
in forthcoming issues, if you don't know how to do this).

         In this method, issue 50 duplicated real business checks to 50 post
offices, for example (I say 50 for simplicity purposes and because there's no
legwork; unlike Method I, you don't have to do any travelling; the post office
just mails them in to you).  On the form, request five, 29-cent rolls of 100
stamps each, as these sealed rolls are most convenient for refund purposes.

         Do NOT request more than $200 worth of stamps on each form for, if
you do, the stamps will be delivered to you certified mail return receipt
requested at the address you provide.  You do not want this.  If something is
sent to you certified mail RRR, you must present identification to receive it;
you must sign for it; and you must be physically present to collect the
stamps.  So, if you again order $145 from each post office, it will be under
the $200 threshold and the stamps will be mailed to you via regular mail,
bypassing the certified entanglements.  I won't quote SCAM! Rule #1 again, I
think you have the gist by now; you would still net over SEVEN THOUSAND
DOLLARS with 50 mailings, certainly a far cry from the $100 worth of stamps
you took from work.

         Where to have the stamps mailed to, you ask?  Clearly, do not give
your home address!  Also do not give the address of any friends or employers
or anyone you've ever known in your lifetime or any past lifetime; rather, use
a known abandoned house or a private mailbox facility.  Readers of "SCAM!"
will find, in forthcoming issues, a detailed discussion on the theory of
private mailbox facilities and how they can be used to generate goods,
services and liquid assets from a vast array of sources.

         WARNING:  Do NOT attempt to use one of these mailbox facilities under
a fictitious individual or company name if you do not now know precisely how
to do so.  This topic will be covered at length in future "SCAM!" issues, so
please be patient.

         WARNING:  Do NOT attempt to furnish duplicate real business checks if
you do not know precisely how to do so.  This topic will be covered at length
in future "SCAM!" issues, so please be patient.

         WARNING:  When doing large-scale conversions, it is most wise to
travel by car to distant sections of the U. S. to obtain the refunds.  Do NOT
attempt to obtain refunds in the city or State that you chose to obtain the
stamps!  Do NOT attempt to obtain refunds after more than TWO WEEKS from the
time you obtain the stamps, simply because the business checks you issued will
eventually clear and be deemed fraudulent by the business.

         *** SCAM SUGGESTION ***

         If travelling throughout the U. S. by car with large quantities of
         stamps in your vehicle, or for that matter ANYTHING in your vehicle
         which really shouldn't be there, it is INSANE to drive any faster
         than FIVE MPH over the posted speed limit and it is INSANE to
         purposefully violate any local traffic laws, codes or ordinances no
         matter HOW sure you are that you can get away with it.

         *** SCAM SUGGESTION **

         NEVER bring large quantities of stamps aboard a commercial aircraft,
         into an airline terminal, aboard a bus or in a bus station.  NEVER
         bring large quantities of stamps through customs.  Re-sale of U. S.
         stamps in Canada is possible, but should only be attempted by
         placing all of the stamps into one sturdy envelope and MAILING them
         into Canada, preferably via Federal Express Overnight Delivery.  The
         cost of such a mailing is only about $25, which is well worth it.

         WARNING:  Do NOT mail U. S. stamps abroad to a location you have not
thoroughly investigated.  Know what you intend to do with the stamps when they
arrive, plan ahead and avoid last-minute decisionmaking at ALL costs.  If
ANYTHING unforeseen occurs, abandon the project post haste.


Epilogue

         Well, hopefully now you have discovered the potentially unlimited
rewards of "stamp collecting"!!????!!  Happy exchanges, happy conversions,
etc., but remember: don't do the crime if you can't do the time!

         Happy Scams!

                                       *


         WARNING:  THE ABOVE INFORMATION IS THEORIZED ON PRINCIPLES OF
CRIMINAL MISCHIEF, ROBBERY, PURPOSEFUL ISSUANCE OF FRAUDULENT CHECKS AND/OR
THE UNLAWFUL OBTAINMENT OF U. S. POSTAGE STAMPS.  TO ACTUALLY ENGAGE IN SUCH
BEHAVIOR WOULD BE IN VIOLATION OF THE CRIMINAL PROCEDURE LAW(S) AND/OR PENAL
CODE(S) OF YOUR STATE OF RESIDENCE IN TERMS OF CRIMINAL MISCHIEF, ROBBERY AND
THE ISSUANCE OF "BAD" CHECKS AND, AT THE FEDERAL LEVEL, WOULD VIOLATE A
VARIETY OF RULES AND REGULATIONS CONTAINED IN AND MADE A PART OF THE UNITED
STATES CODE, WHICH CODE IS AVAILABLE FOR INSPECTION AND WHICH RULES AND
REGULATIONS CAN BE VIEWED MORE FULLY SET FORTH AT YOUR LOCAL LAW LIBRARY.
ISSUANCE OF FRAUDULENT CHECKS IS A FELONY PUNISHABLE BY A MAXIMUM OF 15 YEARS
IMPRISONMENT IF CONVICTED, AND FEDERAL LAWS GENERALLY PROVIDE STIFFER
PENALTIES.   THIS INFORMATION IS BEING FURNISHED PURELY FOR INFORMATIONAL AND
ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY.  ACTING UPON IT SHOULD NEVER BE ATTEMPTED AT ANY
TIME OR FOR ANY REASON.  THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT PROVIDES NUMEROUS PROGRAMS AND
RESOURCES TO ASSIST YOU IF YOU ARE IN FINANCIAL HARDSHIP, AS DOES YOUR STATE
OF RESIDENCE.  THE AUTHOR OF THIS PUBLICATION IN NO WAY CONDONES ANY TYPE OF
ILLEGAL ACTIVITY OR BEHAVIOR AND HAS NEVER ENGAGED IN ANY TYPE OF ILLEGAL
ACTIVITY OR BEHAVIOR AT ANY TIME OR FOR ANY REASON OR AS MAY BE SUGGESTED,
INFERRED OR OTHERWISE IMPLIED FROM THE CONTENTS OF THIS PUBLICATION.


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