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TUCoPS :: Wetware Hacking :: Others :: bodylang.txt

What is Body Language?

From Mon Jun 04 19:15:03 2001
Subject: body language secrets revealed in SM
Date: Tue, 05 Jun 2001 02:15:03 GMT

There are sexual manipulator-users and there are game players. There are sincere
people who are afraid and nervous because they have been hurt before. There are
people who don't do exactly the right things because they are inexperienced or
recently back in the single world. There are genuine, good people. Your job is
to know who's who.
Here's a summary of the gestures liars use:
The next chapter, What Is Body Language? explains why we must all realize that
you cannot not communicate.

What Is
Body Language?
For those who have difficulty believing in body lan-guage, here's one way to
look at it.
You are on vacation in Moscow. Upon returning to your room, a wild-eyed, pistol
wielding man confronts you. He slams the door and snarls something in Rus-sian.
As he cocks the gun and points it at your head, would you reach for your
English-Russian dictionary?
To a gun toting mugger who speaks English, most of us would use body language
and words to neutral-ize the threat. Body language? Yes! Raise your hands. Look
as powerless and non-threatening as possible, In a pleading, helpless voice say,
"Take my money. Please don't shoot. I have two kids at home."
The natural experts on body language are pets and kids. My cat knows when I'm
angry with her, when I'm indifferent and when I'm ready to feed her. A child
knows when Mommy's happy and when Daddy's lying.
Cats have never read a body language book, and neither have kids, yet they know
exactly what we (you, me, everyone) are feeling. As we are "educated" by our
culture we lose our innate ability to read and speak body language.
Everything is body language-tone of voice, clear-ing our throats, rubbing our
eyes, crossing our arms, tapping our toes, touching our nose-everything ex-cept
the words we say.
Your eye contact, or lack of eye contact, communi-cates. Your pauses
communicate. Your crossed legs communicate. Your open hands communicate. Your
aroma communicates.
In particular, your appearance communicates: hair style, type of eye glasses,
accessories, tattoos and your overall choice of attire.
How you are dressed is a major part of the message you send, but, it is an even
larger part of how your lis-teners receive it. The way you are dressed dictates
how others respond to you.
Clothes are a tool you use to control
how others react to you and how they treat you.
You cannot not communicate. No matter what you do, or don't do, you broadcast
your emotional state. Even if you put on a poker face and sit perfectly still,
you loudly announce, "I'm trying to hide what I'm feel-ing."
Each of us reveals our emotional state with nonver-bal signals. During
courtship, and later in a romantic relationship, knowing what the other person
is feeling helps you behave appropriately. But, to know what that person is
experiencing, you must attack the envi-ronment with your eyes, ears and, yes,
your intuition.
Women's renown intuition arises from the way bi-ology and evolution "wired"
female brains. The con-nection between the left half and the right half of the
female brain is much larger in women than men.
Thus, women can process and integrate rational in-formation from the left half
of their brains with sen-sory and emotional information from the right half and
know something accurately without concrete evi-dence. That's intuition.
A woman's guess is much more accurate
than a man's certainty.
The larger connection also is the source of their ability to discern extremely
subtle changes in patterns. The difference in ability between the sexes is
scientifi-cally verifiable from the age of two! NOTE 1
Attention women! During courtship and dating, use your intuition. Validate and
vindicate your intuition by using what you learn from this book.
Although a few of these were part of the introduc-tion, take some time to think
about the implications of these facts. In other words, based on this data, what
will you do during the next few courtship conversations that you have never done
before? Take your time. This informa-tion can, and will, change your social
life, forever!
	People form 90 percent of their opinion about you in the first 90 seconds.
	Communication is 60 percent nonverbal and 40 percent verbal. Of the verbal
portion, only 10 per-cent is accomplished by the words themselves! The other 30
percent is done by how the words are spo-ken, inflection and tone of voice.
	The nonverbal portion of communication is ac-complished by eye contact,
posture, gestures, posi-tion relative to the listener and the attire of the
speaker. But that is not the most significant fact. Here it is-nonverbal signals
have five times the im-pact of verbal signals.
	Information that is retained was received by the brain as follows: 85 percent
by the eyes, 10 percent by the ears and 5 percent by touch, taste and smell.
	When the verbal and the nonverbal parts of the message are congruent, the
listener believes the message. If they are incongruent, usually the speaker's
words are saying yes, but his body is saying no.
One thing to do is always dress for success as ex-plained two pages ago. How you
are dressed gets eve-rything started off on the right, or wrong foot. Yes, I
believe that repetition is the key to learning.
Body Language Anecdote-Televised Liars As the Wa-tergate hearings were taking
place in 1973, I was com-pleting my 3000 hour internship as a Marriage, Family
and Child Counselor with Nathaniel Branden. Part of my responsibilities included
learning, then teaching body language to fellow interns.
Some afternoons we'd watch the televised testi-mony with sorrow and dread as our
country's Presi-dent was slowly, but steadily revealed as a crook. I kept
telling everyone John Mitchell, the Attorney Gen-eral, was lying on the witness
stand. But nobody be-lieved, rather, wanted to believe, that America's chief law
enforcement officer would lie to the United States Senate. No matter, I could
feel it, as corny as it sounds, deep in my bones.
One day, someone turned the volume down on the television to answer the phone.
We kept watching the silent screen. With the sound off, we were all able to
notice that time after time, Mitchell would touch his mouth or eye when
responding, or close his eyes while, or just as he finished, speaking. After he
did that about three times, the entire group, especially me, screamed, "He's
lying! He's lying!"
Nixon avoided impeachment by resigning, but Mitchell and many others went to
Practice what you're learning. Spot liars on televi-sion. But, it's not as easy
nowadays, because jury con-sultants who work for the defense as well as the
prose-cution, coach, teach and rehearse witnesses to keep their hands away from
their face while on the stand. However, if the witness can be put under enough
pressure, he will lose control and touch himself some-where above the neck when
he's lying.
On newscasts, see if you can catch liars. The easiest to nail are people who are
not usually spokespersons, thus they have not been trained how to appear sincere
and truthful. These include newly elected politicians, recently appointed
bureaucrats, street cops and grand-standing eye witnesses Turn off the sound and
refine your skills. Practice makes perfect. Practice!
As Signs Of Interest, the next chapter, are sent and received during the early
stages of courtship, then later when dating, heed this timeless wisdom and
advice no matter how trite it may sound:

Actions speak louder than words.
Believe what people do, not what they say.

Many "radical" thinkers (I am one of them) believe that the physical and
chemical differences between male and female brains, as well as body
differences, explain most, if not all, gender-specific talents and capabilities.
We also believe that these differences explain why women view courtship and
rela-tionships from an entirely different universe than men. See BRAIN WIRING in
Course # 0384LA  Section A -- Saturday, June 16  01:00 PM to 04:00 PM --
(310) 478-6677

Joanna Bardot Lopez and R. Don Steele will be in Santa Monica on June 16 from
1-4pm hosting a Body Language Event. If you bring a copy if this posting to the
Learning Annex event, you will receive a FREE COPY of Don's $25 book BODY

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