The Birth of a Rodent!

By: The Warlock Lord

Thanx to: The Metallian

A Metal Communications / Neon Knights Presentation

     If you feel any offense, insult or a upset at this file in any way, then 
by all means, FUCK OFF AND DIE!!!  You are a R0DENT! And now lets begin...

     As we all know, rodents don't materialize out of nowhere, they have to be 
born at some time. Well, amazingly enough, they all share the same date of 
birth! Read onward...

Date of birth - 12/25/??
========================

     'Twas the morning of Christmas and all thru the house, a creature was 
stirring, the little louse! The stockings were hung by the chimney with care 
and behold! An Apple computer was there! (now starts the beginning of the end 
for us...)

     Little Johnny was overjoyed, he got his new toy. And that's all it was to 
this silly little boy. He now could play all the games he saw before, only now 
HE had a computer, and could get more.

(enough of this stupid poem...)

     After giving up trying to play with "Renumber", he decides to plug in his 
Networker and call a board he saw a fellow "pirate" (and I use the term 
loosely) kawl. Living in Minniapolis, he decides to kawl The <urse. "Wowzee 
neeto!" he says, seeing the spinning kursor. He reads the new user logon "I 
hope U like my K-Kool modzzzz, and any of you rad piratezz make sure to post on
the piratezz board. L8ron dudzzz"

     Well, he manages to get phreak access, partially because of his name (King
Blotto jr. (he read Newsweek in his Daddies office)), and sees something new...
SPRINT CODEZZZZ!!!!! "Oh golly", he says, nearly wetting his pajamas, "I can 
kawl long distance!!". He immedietly logs off and tries to kawl long distance. 
He dials "3673266916177203600", not knowing you have to kawl a local dial-up 
for Sprint, and that you don't use a "1" for the number. Eventually, he asks 
his rad pirate pal, Doctor Who (another one...), how to use his codezz. So, he 
kawls the local dial-up. All of a sudden, in the middle of dialing, he hears a 
strange busy signal. He doesn't realize he's using a Networker with it's 
awesome pulse dialing. He kawls Doctor Who and realizes he has to use his phone
with touchtone to dial. With that, he kawls Pirates Harbor. By pure luck, he 
sees the number of K.A.O.S in the board list. Remembering seeing "Get Smart" on
WTBS cable channel reruns, he kawls.

Simulation...
-------------

(*> Welcome to K.A.O.S. <*)

Enter password or 'NEW'
-->'NEW'

Sure, he has brains. It's just that he's sitting on them...

*Invalid password. Try Again*

-->'NEW'

After 6 or 7 tries, he is logged off becase he took too much time. So, he kawls
back...

-->'NEW'

By now, Max shows up and wonders who's the dumb fuck screwing around and goes 
into chat mode...

Max: "Hey man, what's your problem?"

A few seconds later, there comes a click from inside of Max's computer, and he 
sees...

Lost Carrier - Rebooting

Damn! Don't you hate that? Coward, that's all I can say for him.

     Well, our little r0dent get's onto Dragonfire and sees the AE list. He 
decides to kawl and see what they are. His screen goes blank (after spending 3 
1/2 hours redialing) and he sees "Entry:". 5 minutes later, the same thing 
"Entry:". By now the sysop comes in and sees this idiot just sitting there and 
goes into chat mode.

Sysop: "What the fuck?? What's the big idea of tying up my line?"

"Click"

So much for King Blotto jr...

He asks another rad pirate, Super Hacker, how to use AE lines. Super Hacker 
tells him, and kawls an AE to show him how. So our little friend goes home and 
kawls an AE. He decides to kawl Connections I/O... He sees,

"I/O.........."  Needless to say, he remembers seeing "Entry" and thinks he 
kawled the wrong thing. Again, he asks Super Hacker what gives, and realizes 
that "entry:" can be changed. So, he kawls again. This time he types the 
password, "trekky". But the kursor doesn't move. He hangs up, thinking his 
modem doesn't work. Another kawl to Super Hacker. Again, he kawls. But 
something is wrong. The screen is going crazy. Why? Could it have anything to 
do with the fact he is using the terminal program he found in his Networker 
box? Could be... Well, he asks Super Pirate again, gets AE Pro, and kawls. 
After 3 hours, he gets thru. Now he sees "(>". Now what? Good question. Well, 
he types "?". At least he got that right. But that's where his streak ends. He 
sees the catalog...

"Disk Volume 254"

A 002 HELLO
B 123 ULTIMA IV<0>
B 123 ULTIMA IV<1>
B 123 ULTIMA IV<2>
B 033 ULTIMA IV<3>
T 067 ULTIMA IV DOCS/APPLE BANDIT

13 BLOCKS FREE

(>

Well? Now what? He wants Ultima. So, he goes for it...

"S"

"send:" ultima 4<0>
no such file

Good job! Try again...

"Send:" Ultima iv<0>
244 blocks

ready to send

ERR <CS 1-1>
ERR <CS 2-2>
ERR <CS 3-3>

The dumb shit doesn't know enought to hit ctrl-q, g, and the filename. After 20
minutes, he does it file <1>, then <2>. 2 hours later, he hangs up and looks at
his disk catalog...

DISK VOLUME 254

A 002 HELLO
B 135 AE
B 109 BDOS
B 006 DDMOVER
S 095 AE.HELP
T 002 MACRO.FILE

"Golly, where is Ultima??? I must have lost it over the line!"

     Well, the weeks go by. Johnny meets more rad piratezz, get new warezzz and
finally learns how to use Ae. He kawls all over the place. Now he sees 
something interesting...

T 002 AE/CATSEND 24HRS. 215-367-7739 40MEGS!

"Wowzy neeto!". He hangs up and kawls. After logging on, he selects Catsend. He
sees...

"Welcome!"

>>

But his screen is in inverse! Something is wrong here! The sysop sees his 
screen in inverse, and goes into chat mode. But since the rodent is using AE 
Pro, the typing is a mess.

"W&8'Ü He;os F04ivk @Ü,*5 yus]p' do82u7!i6/:=_

Sure, you try and read that! Click! Well, another kawl to Super Hacker and he 
realizes he can't kawl Catsend lines because he doesn't have an Apple Cat. 
(thank God for small favors!) So, he sticks to AE lines and boards. On the 
board, he has his own style of message posting...

(5 lines of spinning kursorz first...)
"Man, is that kuhl or what?!?!?!?>!?@ Well, dudez, I have been trading with a 
lot of people, gettin' new warezzzzzz, and I gotta tell ya, there are some 
great new warezz out!  I got "Sabotage" yesterday. I kawled Hot Rod and asked 
him if he had it, and he said "No way! Are you serious???" It has to be new. 
Well, if ya want to trade, leave mail. L8R0N dudezzzz!

                [-=*^>King Blotto Jr.<^*=-]
           Masters of the Universe Pirates Guild

     It's a good thing King Blotto doesn't bother with the lower forms of 
boards, or he would skin this kid and I have to hang him over his mantle!

     When kawling Ae lines, he is very consistent. Always download, never 
upload. They come straight home from school, sit down and spend the rest of the
night in front of his toy. That's all it is, a toy. Rodents never associate 
with other people, except fellow losers in their super "elite" group. Forget 
weekends, they don't leave their seat. When they run out of disk space because 
they have new warezzzzz like Apple Panic, Ultima, and public domain software, 
he buys generic disks, $1.25 each, with 3 bad tracks each.

     By summer, school is over and he has all day to kawl Ae lines and leech 
warezzzz. By now, he developed into a full-fledged rodent. Here is an example 
of a message from our friend...

Message Title: My latest warezzzzz!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Message by: King Blotto jr.
Date posted: Friday, June 15, 8:35 pm <-notice the time and date

(3 or 4 lines of spinning kursorzzzz first)

Like, dudezzz, what happening?????!?!? Has anyone seen the nu warezzz on the Ae
linezzz??? They're k000000l!!!!! I got Sneakers, OO-topoos, Adventureland, and 
Cathacker 1.0!!!!!!!!!!11!! But my Cathacker is bad, cuzzz it won't work with 
my delux Networker. Duzz anyone know how to use Catsend? I can't get mine to 
work right. Also, kawl the UCLA loops, 213-206-2801. They're k0000ll ll!!1!!@1!
I wuzz on last night and talked to Line Breaker. He'z gonna let me in the 
NYSHII elite!!!@!@!1!! He's got 100 megs!!!! I don't need this shitass board no
more. So fuck all of u!!!!@!!1!!!

L8ER0N Dudezzz

            [/-\King Blotto jr./-\]
        Masters of the Universe Elite
                 NYSHII Elite

(now the kursor goes back and forth about 30 times until we have a headache.)

     Given time, all l0zers and r0dents get thrown off boards, to the point 
where they are setting up boards for each other to kawls and leech each other. 
The result is nothing new gets circulated into their "elite" group. Every now 
and then, however, one gets by and looks like a good user. Sysops have to be 
aware of these guys, but they usually make a mistake and can be caught. Look 
close...

Message Title: My Newest
Message By: Black Wizard
Date posted: Sunday, June 17, 4:26 pm. <-better than Blotto jr...

The Ae lines have been quite busy, but they are loaded with a lot of stuff. 
Some of my newer acquisitions include...

Archon
Apple-Net BBS
Newsroom
Universe
Copy II+ 5.0

Any interested parties leave mail

        ----=====>Black Wizard<=====----
     Co-Sysop - Masters of the Universe AE


     Almost! But he gave himself away!

Well, that about ends this display in madness. I hoped you enjoyed it and got a
good laugh out of it. If you didn't, then you must obviously be a R0DENT! Read 
the Real Pirates Guides (except v4) and learn something!

The Warlock Lord - 
Metal Communications Inc.

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