TUCoPS :: Truly Miscellaneous :: aolemail.txt

An email to send AOL users

Dear AOL User:

Greetings, you wanking troll.  I know what you are thinking - "Oh no, it
is someone from the net!!! He is gonna flame my sorry ass - I will have to
narc on him to my TOSAdvisor cause my feelings are hurt!"

You should bow down and worship me for teaching you the ways of the
InfoBahn.  Please read this to the fullest extent possible ( I know that AOLers
have reading impairments ) it will open your eyes to the world, and get your
sorry asses out of the real net surfers hair.

For starters, please narc on me... AOL can't do a damn thing anyway. I, along with
the world, are growing weary of all your worthless festering newbie net-garbage
that seems to be floating around the net (especially in the ALT.SEX domain).
Listen up troll:

                        STAY OFF THE NET (until you get a clue...)

If you had either a clue or a brain you wouldn't be on WOL (Wankers'OnLine).
Spend you valuble time and hard earned money elsewhere... like buying keyboard skins,
and anti-glare screens for your "spunk protection."

I am not your friend, or you pal.  I, as a distinguished and civic minded
citizen would like to do my duty to warn you that AOL poses legitimate health
risks.  You are suffering from the "Ten Free Hour Syndrome."  I, along with many
other net-vet's, know the tragic symptoms of this disorder.  You probably will,
or have had suffered from one or more of the following symptoms:

I.) MINDLESS CHAT:  The second you throw that nicely colored WOL disk in,
    =============   and are granted access you will head straight (no pun
                    intended) for the Gay & Lesbian Chat Rooms. (I understand
                    that YOU aren't Gay, but your boyfriend is.)  Here you talk
                    with fellow trolls and beg for dirty pix.

II.) INTENSE DOWNLOADING:  When you first download that first picture of a guy
     ===================   with a 14 inch schlong being sucked off by a 2 year
                           old you will eventually come to what YOU think WOL
                           and the net are made for ->  your personal gallery
                           of naughty pictures.  It is here where you try to
                           find FTP sites for pictures and TXT files
                           (* Please See End *)

III.) WANKING:  You probably do this about 20 times a day, anyway... but it gets
      =======   worse as you read and see the merits of digitized porn.  You will
                ruin keyboards, chairs, monitors, fur coats, your mothers hair,
                your brothers face, and you fathers bunghole.  Not to mention that
                you will forget how much of your 10 free hours is left.  You will
                then be roped (literally) into WOL forever.  You are probably
                wondering what WOL is... it is Wankers' OnLine of course!!

IV.) BLINDNESS:  After Symptom III you WILL go blind after a while, and you won't
     =========   able to grab a pencil without rubbing off the paint.  And your
                 best friend will start to develop blisters, eventually falling off.

V.) GENDER LOSS:  As months pass on WOL, not only will you be blind, but you
    ===========   will become a EUNICH!!!! You will end up raiding your mothers
                  lingerie drawer with your crusty, scaly hands, and dress
                  like a whore because you will suffer a gender identity crisis.

VI.) RIPPED OFF:  Steve Case will get rich off you twice, which makes me extemely
     ==========   ill.  Not only does he bleed you dry with the cost of WOL,
                  but he is exploiting your best friend cause he owns stock in
                  the vaseline industy, and the Kleenex(R) Company.

Another little note.  The all-time best way to get yourself flamed (probably
the same reason that you got this) is to post "Me-Too" messages.  These are
usually found in responce to other "Me-Too" post by other AOLers.  I will
let you in on a little secret. YES!!, there are MANY FTP and WWW sites that
have porn.  Very many.  And yes, there is a list that is circulated.
BUT - > these sites are only distributed to a select few who have shown
net-good-will.  Basically when one AOLer gets a site, he tells all of his
pre-pubscent friends about it, and the site shuts down to overload.  I have
seen MANY sites go down like this, that is why I am venting this anger.  So,
please do yourself a favor - wash your hands, be a good net citizen, and
leave the net alone until you can behave appropriately.

Oh yes, please don't take this E-Mail as an insult. I am trying to enlighten
you so that you don't make the same mistake again. Thanks for your time,
oh yes... any and ALL responces that are malicious in nature will be forewarded
to your leaders at WOL.  These are:


If you don't believe that it is possible for you to lose your access by
sending a hate letter to a net-vet, just ask SavvyWaif@AOL.COM... he
tried to phuck with me, now he isn't a member anymore

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