SHIELD-U2
An excerpt from:
"PERSONAL SHIELD"
(51 Things Criminals Don't Want You To Know)
by Philo Couch
The Golden Link
1685 South Colorado Blvd. (Unit S-146)
Denver, CO 80222
(303) 595-5740
SECRET One
Four "magic phrases" exist that when placed on a sign near your door, can
make thieves want to go elsewhere. They are DOGS, SNAKES, AIDS, and HIGH-
TECH TRAPS. Examples are given, starting on page 1.
SECRET Two
Writing your own sign is the only way to make it practical and believable.
The basic theory is described on page 5, in the section called "NUTSHELL
THEORY."
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In the last section, we discussed using a criminal's imagination to frighten
him into leaving you alone. This principle works even better to combat burg-
laries. A thief has more to lose than a crank caller, because he's physically
present. So it's much easier to make this kind of criminal nervous.
According to our research, there are four things that scare burglars more than
all others when mentioned in a sign. They are dogs, snakes, AIDS, and high-
tech traps. Any sign that warns of the presence of any of these can be very
effective in convincing the every-day thief to go elsewhere. Here are some
examples:
旼컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴�
� �
� �
� CAUTION! �
� �
� One of our dogs has �
� KIV Type-I AIDS �
� �
� �
� �
읕컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴�
This one is best used by those with at
least one dog.
-- Page 1 --
旼컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴�
� �
� BUDDY - �
� �
� DON'T COME IN! The snakes are loose again, �
� and the python is too big for even you to �
� handle alone. �
� �
� Stay close, I'll be back soon. �
� �
� �
읕컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴�
Only an idiot would break into a home with a sign like this!
旼컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴커
� �
� CALL FIRST! �
� �
� We Don't Answer The Door �
� �
읕컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴켸
Many thieves knock on a door to see
if anyone's home, before breaking in.
This may make them think twice.
-- Page 2 --
旼컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴커
� �
� Beware of Barkless �
� Egyptian Hounds �
� �
읕컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴켸
What burglar will know that no
such animal exists?
旼컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴�
� �
� Alex, �
� �
� DON'T use that new key to the booby traps! �
� They're going off by themselves, and one of �
� us has already been burned! Just be around �
� when I get back. �
� �
� �
읕컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴�
The idea is to make the thief think that you've got
high-tech traps inside. Be careful that you don't
attract too much curiosity!
-- Page 3 --
旼컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴�
� �
� Guys! �
� �
� Don't come in until the Health Department gets finished �
� inside!! Mickey got a new skunk last weekend. �
� �
� The vet says it has AIDS, and we shouldn't take any chances! �
� �
읕컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴�
Everyone is afraid of AIDS, and no criminal knows exactly what types
there are.
旼컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴커
� �
� SMILE! �
� �
� You've Already Been Videotaped �
� �
� �
읕컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴켸
Put this one on a door that has a window
nearby. Perhaps a fake video camera can
be put in the window.
-- Page 4 --
NUTSHELL THEORY
To make these signs really work, you must create your own variations. When
writing your signs, there is some "theory" that you should follow. The basic
rules are described here:
CONSIDER WHETHER A GIVEN SIGN IS OF A PERMANENT OR TEMPORARY NATURE. A sign
that warns of dogs with AIDS (page 1) can remain in place for months if
needed. But a loose snake or misfiring man-trap is NOT an every-day matter.
If your sign is temporary in nature, DON'T leave it sitting on the front door
for more than a day or two. Also, temporary signs are best when they're hand-
written.
CONFUSION AND TWISTED HUMOR. Some of the signs we've suggested mention dogs
and diseases that probably don't even exist. One thing a burglar does NOT
want is a mental distraction. It's one thing to make a thief stop and ask,
"Is there any such thing?" But in this case, we want the crook to feel that
he's not safe until that confusion is cleared up. Since they can't resolve the
question, they may feel that another target would be best. Twisted humor has
a threatening effect, if it's properly worded. A sign that warns of an
"Attack Cat With AIDS" won't be taken seriously, in the direct sense. But it
should make the burglar wonder what kind of maniac lives inside, and if you
use excess measures to protect your property. People who do go to extremes
may have man-traps set up, or may be armed and prepared for trouble. Nobody
wants to be caught by a crazy occupant defending his lair. If you write a
"twisted" sign, it should give the idea that you can't wait for someone to
break in, so you can try out your new way of catching them. Perhaps you're
nuts enough to wait in the dark for thieves to pick your door. Maybe you've
trained your dog remain quiet until a burglar is inside. Be creative, and
sometimes slightly offensive.
THIRD-PERSON FORMAT. A sign that speaks directly to the thief can be called a
"second-person" message. It addresses them directly by pointing a message
right at them. An example is the sign that says, "To Hell With The Dog.......
Beware Of Owner!" Burglars expect such threats, and usually ignore them. But
a message NOT intended for the crook may have a deeper effect, because the
thief believes that he's intercepted a communication between other people.
When you leave a warning for your neighbor, about the escaped snakes, a
burglar will feel he's been made privy to a special piece of inside inform-
ation. He'll think that the fact that he knows NOT to break in is a secret
advantage. An exception to the Second-Person rule is the "Smile" sign, on
page 4. This speaks directly to anyone with dishonest motives.
THE MEANING OF THE TERM HIGH-TECH TRAP. Two examples are included here that
mention some kind of trap directly. The sign at the bottom of page 3 tries
to warn "Alex" about a dangerous one. This says that you're willing to
install deadly weapons in your home or office, that can be set off auto-
matically. Remember that a thief may not believe that you have such traps in
a home where children live. Perhaps this one is best used on an office door.
DO inform the building managers that your sign is just a security measure.
Otherwise, they may feel that you're endangering fellow tenants. Another
trap example is the "Smile" sign on page 4. The trap here is not physically
dangerous, but a camera a legal weapon. For this to work, you MUST be taken
seriously. The best way to make a thief believe you have a camera is to let
him see one, through a window near the sign. It does NOT have to be a real
camera, but it should look like one. A suitable fake can be built from sheet
metal, coffee cans, or actual parts from old cameras. Maybe the local camera
or electronics shop will give you some throw-away gadgets that can be put
together to give an authentic look.
-- Page 5 --
IMPORTANT: Make your fake camera look like a video or closed-circuit (CCTV)
camera, not a still shot version. An ordinary camera will be just one more
thing to tempt burglars. And they know that these cameras usually don't work
that way. A thief could remove the evidence (film) by just swiping the whole
camera. But a video camera, like the ones you see in the bank, can send a
signal to a remote location instantly. Plus, it looks more like the type of
equipment used by people in the security field.
MULTIPLE SUGGESTIONS ARE EVEN MORE EFFECTIVE. There's no reason that you can't
combine the Four Magic Phrases in the same sign. Consider the example on page
1 which warns of dogs with AIDS. Most of the burglars we interviewed said
that one of these phrases (dogs and AIDS) would be enough to scare them. But
they also said that more than one on the same sign would make them turn around
on the spot. The sign at the top of page 2 sends multiple messages. First,
it suggests that you have a large friend, named Buddy, lurking nearby. Also,
it says there are at least two snakes loose in the house, and one of them must
be a monster! And finally, it says that you should be home any minute, since
you've asked Buddy to stick around. Few crooks will be willing to call your
bluff on this one, unless you leave it in place for too long.
MAKE SURE THAT FIRE AND RESCUE PERSONNEL WON'T BE SCARED AWAY, WHEN YOU NEED
THEM. Fire-fighters have told our staff that they occasionally get a call to
a burning building with a sign that warns of a man-trap. If the owner is not
available, they may not enter at all. If your home has occupants that may
need emergency medical help, some of the suggested signs could keep rescue
workers from responding, past the front door. BE CAREFUL!
SOME CROOKS ARE EXTRA DARING. If a thief does ignore these signs, it means
one of three things. First, it could be that your sign was not taken
seriously. Second, the thief may not be able to read at all (or doesn't read
in your language). Third, it may be that the burglar is armed, and doesn't
care what he must do once inside. Beware of any thieves that will ignore these
signs. They must be considered desperate and dangerous! As for not being
taken seriously, this also is a problem. A good thief will wonder why you've
gone to these lengths to scare him off. It might give him extra motivation to
see what you're protecting. Just remember, you MUST be taken seriously for
these signs to work. This means that if you claim you don't answer the door,
then DON'T. Avoid using signs that mention dogs if it's obvious that you
don't have one. If you're a woman in her 70's, no one expects you to own a
twelve-foot snake. The art is in finding the thin line between serious and
sadistically crazy.
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Copyright (C) 1994, The Golden Link.
This version of SHIELD-U2 is released into the public domain. It may be
freely copied and exchanged with two provisions. 1)No charge may be made to
provide a copy of this file's contents. 2)Only absolutely unmodified copies
of this file may be distributed.
No part of the book "Personal Shield" may be considered public domain. Said
book (from which this file is an excerpt) is a copyrighted work, all parts of
which are protected by copyright, all rights concerning which are reserved.
-- Page 6 --
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