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From : Mike Quinn 18 Mar 96 Subj : Spend Some Quality Time With Your Telemarketer ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ The recent series of postings on telemarketing should evoke a number of imaginative responses to these calls. Since they are apparently unavoidable for the present (at least until Paul Begley et al can eliminate them) why not have a little fun at their expense? Responses which I have used with varying degrees of success and amusement include: a. Advise that you are eating dinner (generally the case) and request a number where you can call them back, because you really ARE interested in chemical lawn treatment or whatever. If they are stupid enough to give you one, you can either: 1) when the next telemarketer calls, ask them to call you right back at your other number in the den, and give them the previous telemarketer's number, or 2) post the number in a handy place such as a restroom at the bus station. b. Respond to personal questions with personal questions yourself ("and what about you, Mary -- how old are YOUR kids?"); try to engage them in light repartee -- it can be hilarious to listen to them try to wriggle out of talking. c. Ask them if they use the product themselves,and if not, why not. Be sure to use their first name a lot, too. ("What about you Ted -- do you a have credit card from this bank, Ted? Ted -- what about your wife?" etc). d. Tell them what a fascinating field telemarketing seems to be and that you're considering a career change. Ask them how they like their jobs, what their hours are, and how much they get paid. Technical questions of the sort that might come from TELECOM Digest readers are good, too, such as what brand and model of headset they're using, what kind of computer, etc. e. Point out that since they have your home phone number that you'd like to get theirs (area code first, of course); ask if they mind you calling while they're asleep or eating. f. Ask them what city they're calling from, and then launch into a long diatribe about what rotten winter it's been here in (your city). If they try to change the subject, interrupt them. g. Tell them you feel sorry for anyone who has to be working during a civilized meal hour. Describe your own menu in detail, along with preparation guidelines. ("And Susan, are you still with me, Susan? Susan -- it's important that you use fresh garlic and ground pepper in the sauce at this point", etc). h. Ask for the name and telephone number of their supervisor as a matter of course. If they ask why, tell them it's for government records or something equally absurd. Cite made-up federal statutes that require that they provide you with this information. i. Tell them that the conversation is being taped for their protection and ask them to say their name several times slowly in succession. j. And so on. Most of these usually result in THEM hanging up on YOU, and meanwhile your dinner IS getting cold, but the more of their time you waste, the less profitable their venture becomes, and the more they may be personally inclined to choose a job that doesn't entail pestering people. Cheers, Mike Quinn