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       GETTING INTO A R-RATED MOVIE IF YOU'RE UNDER 17
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  Intro:  In 1968 the MPPA, headed by Jack Valenti started the Code And Rating
Administration which would rate pictures on sex, violence, swears, nudity and
intensity.  In 1970 any picture depicting sex, whether it was pornography or not
got an X rating.  That has changed.  Also the PG rating until 1971 was called
'M.' There used to a PG rating and then there was a PG 'tag' but then they
combined the two so that PG and PG tag were just 'some material may not be
suitable...' Also until recently less than half the theatres really followed the
rating and didn't let anyone under seventeen.  The other theatres didn't really
care or didn't follow the suggestion.  That's what the ratings really are -
suggestions or guidlines for theatres owners.  Now, most theatres, especially
chain, follow the R-rating.  Some do not.  Other theatres do some do some of the
time.  In 1970 you would walk into an X rated movie such as CLOCKWORK ORANGE and
notcause a fuss.  Theatre policies have seem to have gotten more strict.

  But still 40-50% of all movies since 1968 have been rated R.	No one really
knows what an R picture might contain, which is a major draw back.  They should
change ratings to inform parents who have little kids.	They ratings should be
more explicit because I don't know why the fuck a picture gets an R - all I know
is that it's an R.  But let's not discuss that.  The best way to protest against
the rating system if you are under 17 is to beat it.So all you guys who feel big
and are 17 or older, well, i guess you can press the space bar or you can help
out us "under 17ers" by reading chapter 2.

  1] THE OLDEST TRICK IN THE BOOK

  Of course, if you go to the Old Mill, Sunnyvale 6, etc where they have two or
more theatres, it's very easy to walk into any picture you want once you have
gotten a ticket.  First of all do not walk in an empty theatres if you are
sneaking in.  Ushers sometimes come in.  Buy a ticket for a movie which starts
the same time as the R-Rated thing you're going into.  Then 2 minutes before, in
a full theatre, discreetly leave and just walk in and sit next to an adult for
extra protection near the front if possible.

  - Some movie theatres are easier to switch theatres than others.  Find the one
you like most and take advantage.  The UA 6 is hard because the theatres are in
a circle.

  - Try to avoid night showings At some theatres there are more ushers.  You'll
just have to find scout the place first and see if it looks cool.  If you go to
a theatre complex, you won't have that many problems with ushers.  Matinees on
the weekends are better.  Weekdays maninees are great because almost no one is
in the theatre so most of the people working there don't pay attention.  You
have to mainly judge the situation and take advantage anytime you can.

  - If you want, go to a favorite theatres of your choice that you hang around
and each movie you go to, save your ticket stubs [if they don't do those little
printouts.] Save up a few ticket stubs with the little numbers on it and figure
out the program schedule for that day.

  2] The Ticket Collecting

  Say you have ticket stubs with the #'s 1,4,and 6 which you got from past
movies at the theatre.	Say the program schedule changed and RAMBO is playing in
the theatres which produces ticket stub #6.  Now you have the correct stub if
you get any trouble!  Sometimes if you go behind the box-office at a six-thater
complex there is a machine for each ticket # and a sign saying the movie.  So
the ticket seller goes to that box so he gives the right ticket.  So if you can
figure out which movies produce what # ticket you've got it made.

  - Remember - the worst they can do is give you your money back if they decide
to throw you out, but they will most certainly not do that unless you are rowdy.
They will just make you go back where you came from.  Say you have an adult
waiting in there - then if you have the right stub go sit next to an adult.
It's all a matter of keeping cool.

  One time I just walked into Breakfast club and half the theatre was people who
snuck in and did the same thing.  It was pretty funny.


  3] THE "BUY A TUB OF POPCORN" technique

  This technique is a good one and it works almost risk-free.  Find and adult
who is seeing the same movie who looks around 20-30 and is cool.  Ask them if
they will get you into the movie and "be your parent" and you will buy them a
tub of popcorn.  Sometimes you can offer other things, or sometimes they will do
it for free because they might have tried to get into movies when they were
under 17 too and will have sympathy.  If worse comes to worse and you go to some
theatres like the fine arts where the managers are bithces and they ask if its
your REAL parents, say that your parents went of to TANZANIA and that the guy
that's taking you in is your legal guardian for 1 month while your parents are
gone.  Also if your 13 and you are SEAN ALVES, have the guy that's taking you in
say that you are 11 so you only have to pay 2.50...


4] The forged I.d

  At non-AMC, UA or chain owned theatres sometimes ticket-sellers are more
relaxed.  At the AQUARIUS in Palo Alto they don't care how old you are...at the
PALO ALTO SQUARE it used to be I could go to R-rated stuff but then they changed
their policy.  It's not gonna hurt if you try, so go for it and you might luck
out.  Many theatres which are 'revival houses' don't give a shit what the movie
is so you could also try there.  If they do ask for I.D.  however, tell them you
don't drive.  Bitch and make up some excuse like your parents didn't want you to
get your license until you were 17, or you were in an accident.  Remember:  A
14,15,or 16 year old can look old enough if at night.  So, since you are 16, and
you have a drivers license don't show them that, because it says your sixteen!
Show them something else which you made on your own.  Anything that tells your
birthdate but hike it up a few years.  I use a hospital card for I.D.  You could
probably think of millions of way to make it look like a legimate I.D.
Remember:  they can't do anything to you - just play it cool and make up some
excuse why you didn't drive "A FRIEND DROVE ME" "I HAVE AN EYE HANDICAP" "MY CAR
BUSTED" etc etc.  The ticket sellers don't want to stand around all day arguing
with you, you say your right, they say your wrong.  They'll probably give in.


5] A last resort - the bitch routine

  If you look 17, and think you can pass it, you have to have a good wit, good
improvisational skills and be able to make a scene.  You must convince, the
other people in line and the ticket seller that you are old enough.  Here is one
of our trusty "R-rated busters" bitching his way through yet another flick.

MOVIEGOER: 1 to RAMBO
TICKETSELLER: I.D. please
MG: Why do I need I.D.
TS  [mechaniclly]:  it's rated r - no one underseventeen admited unless
    accomanied by an adult or guardian.
MG  [looking pissed]: I don't have any I.D. I didn't drive.
TS: I'm sorry.
MG  [turning around to get other peoples approval]:  Well I'm sorry.  Look,
    just believe me, I'm seveteen.  I DIDNT THINK THIS WOULD HAPPEN!  [talking
    fast] I usually don't have problems with this theatre...
TS: Don't you have a drivers lisense?

[other people in line are getting pissed]

MG: [fast] LOOK!  MY CAR BROKE DOWN YESTERDAY AND A FRIEND GAVE ME A RIDE IN
    HIS CAR!  I DIDN'T BRING MY LICENSE BECAUSE THIS THEATRE USUALLY DOESN'T
    GIVE ME A BAD TIME!  DAMMIT!  THIS IS REALLY PISSING ME OFF!  LET ME SEE THE
    MANAGER.

[someone from the crowd trys to save your ass "LET 'im in!"]

TS: OKAYOKAY...just....just...don't you have any other I.D.?
MG [innocently] : Only my word of honor

Ticketseller presses the button and a ticket appears

  REMEMBER - this is only a last resort.  There are much better ways.  I
recommend sneaking in at cineplex's and the popcorn tub routine at theatres
where there is only one show.  The bitch routine may work and it may not.  If
you can get a forged I.D., look old enough, and make up a good reason for not
having a drivers lisence that's the ultimate - you might even pass off for
X-rated movies but that's another story.


CONCLUSION

  So remember - being under 17 doesn't mean you'll never get to see REVENGE OF
THE NINJA or PORKY'S IV - protest the r-rating!  What the hell do we need
R-ratings for?	Who really knows if in the movie they're just saying 'fuck' one
to many times or the movie should have been X-rated!?  Who knows?  Excerise your
constitutional right to freedom of speech So, take advantage of your creativity.
Sneak into an R-rated movie.  Buy a beer from the 7-11.  With good improvisation
and the right attitude, you could be older than you think!!


WRITTEN BY: MR MULLINS
AUGUST 1, 1985
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