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Ross Jeffries'
Get Laid/PersuasionNEWSLETTER!!!!
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6245 Bristol Parkway, Suite 275
Culver, City CA 90230
(310)822-5771


Jan / Feb 1999
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Seduction and the Power of Setting Frames!



Dear Friend and Valued Reader,

First, let me get it out of the way: Happy New Year! In other words....

  ...Thank Jehovah the f#$*ing "holidays" are over! Honest to friggin shit
I HATE THE THRICE-DAMNED "holidays".

  Just saying the word makes me gag. "Holidays" from WHAT? From enjoying an
otherwise happy, fulfilled life? From being productive and getting things
done? Personally, whoever came up with the idea should be beaten until
their raw nerve endings are exposed, smeared with honey, and made to sit in
a colony of stinger ants, with their lips stitched shut so the screams of
agony die in their mouths. If most folks didn't lead such miserable,
unhappy lives, working at jobs they hate, they wouldn't get so incredibly
insane at the opportunity to get paid to take three or four days off. Jeez!

  Now that I've gingerly expressed my opinion, let me use it to illustrate
this issue's lesson: the "frame" or overall meaning you give to something
determines how you respond to it and what responses you get.

  For example, to some mentally deranged folks, the "holidays" are actually
ENJOYABLE. To them it means an "opportunity" to "celebrate", along with
notions of "giving", "sharing, etc.

  To me, it means, "PUNISHMENT"...."deprivation!". That's right..my friends
leave town..HB's I'm used to doing weird and wonderful perverted things to
are out of the state or even the country.......

...Spending Time With People Other Than Me!

  And you just go ahead and try to get any work done or hire anyone to do
any work you need to have done. Forget it!

	
  In a similiar vein, many guys don't set a very useful "frame" around
picking-up women, seducing them, enjoying them, etc.

  Just as an example, I was talking to a student who said, "Ross....I still
have this fear of getting shot down with women!"

  Now, this really made my ears perk-up. I mean look at the "frame" this
guy was settting around meeting women. Or rather, LISTEN to his personal
metaphor

  He was using the language of fighter/bomber pilots. Hey..if **I** used a
metaphor like that to structure things in my mind, I'd be pretty nervous
too. Who wants to be in a flaming wreck, speeding toward the ground at 32
feet per second, per second, to die in a massive fireball?

  So, being the masterful metaphortician(I just made the word up, ok? Below
me!) that I am, I said, "Hey..instead of thinking of it as you being a
plane who is either going to be shot down or given permission to fly
freely, what if you just viewed it as giving her an opportunity to show you
what kind of woman she is?"

  Now, as soon as I said that, he underwent a MAJOR shift in his
physiology. I could almost see him letting go of all those thoughts and
representations that had been holding him back. Because the FRAME he had
set for himself and all the attendant ideas (crash and burning, getting
shot down, going down in flames etc) really didn't serve to put him in the
right frame of mind.

  What makes this kind of framing even more powerful is, most folks aren't
even aware they are doing it and the EFFECTS it has. It operates largely
outside of conscious awareness and therefore is PROFOUNDLY hypnotic. It
also tends to act as a "canopy of consciousness" that extends and covers
and controls and sets ALL the subsequent thoughts around the subject

  Of course, there as about as many useless/damaging frames to put around
seducing women as you could count. I've heard TONS of guys talk about it
like it was a war, as in, "I've got to establish a beach-head with her."
Or "it's time for one last kamizake charge".

  Then there's the "they're all cunts I'm gonna get 'em before they get me"
frame. Not likely to make you a happy camper. But by far the most damaging,
pervasive, and to use an odd adjective, ensorcelling frame is...



.....The Supplication Frame!

  Now, in case you didn't know, to "supplicate" means to beg, plea, make
earnest entreaties. Just as an example, in the medieval days, if you had a
grievance against your neighbor, you'd go to the feudal lord and entreat
him to intervene on your behalf. You'd beg, whine, kneel, plea...whatever
you needed to get your point across and get your wish granted.

  In other words, just like the role men are forced to play in the
"courtship" or "dating game". As the pursuers, WE get to be the supplicant.
SHE gets to be the supplicatee. And believe me, it's a lot more fun to GET
supped than to give supp. Understand whassup?


  (Please..if you are a woman reading this and feel the need to "correct"
me by telling me how YOU are different from your sisters...don't bother. I
already know their are exceptions; exceptions PROVE the rule, they don't
invalidate it.)

  But, what if you could reverse all this? What if you could set a
DIFFERENT frame..one that puts YOU in the position of power choice and
control? Woundn't that be just absolutely too good to be believed?

  Well, believe it. Cuz, you're ever-lovin' Guru is gonna show ya how!

A Belief About Women That Makes This Frame Really Work

  Frames, of course, are based on beliefs. And if there is one belief I've
come to really accept is true, it is this:

*****VERY few women really know what they want, and even when they do, it
very rarely serves them*****

  You see, the trap with what a  woman perceives she already
wants...already expects..already perceives herself as "ready for" is this:

  By definition, it only partakes of what she already knows. And where, may
I ask, in that, is the room for the truly magical? The truly miraculous?
The truly wonderful and surprising aspects of life that make her gasp in
awe and feel like a child once again. discovering the world anew?

  Man...I am just TOO poetic.(Is there some pattern language in the above
paragraph? Nahhh...)

  Anyway, as far as I can tell, the TRUE wonder for a woman does NOT come
when she hooks up with a man who is her "type". A man who society or her
folks or her friends would approve of, or who she is used to, her who is
typical for her to be attracted to. The true wonder is when she is carried
beyond all that by a man who touches her in so many mysterious ways that
she never even imagined she COULD be touched and she experiences TRUE
passion..which is not temporarily being turned on in the moment..it's not
even when she finds she gives all that she has..but when she is touches SO
profoundly that she discovers things within her that she didn't even know
were there.

  (If you're a woman getting horny reading this, and are athletic, active,
adventurous and between 21-35, send your jpeg, gif and brief note to:
ross@seduction.com. Warning: I'm not for everyone; if you're not ready for
and willing to share some really great explorations and adventures, don't
even bother emailing me no matter how great you might look like!)

  Well, anyway..to put a woman into this mindset, you must structure your
communication from start to finish to do at least two of the three
following things. When/if you do at least two of these three, you can just
about double-damn guarantee that not only will she surrender to you
physically, but she will open herself at wonderful levels and depths she
never knew she had(and if she doesn't yet have them, you can easily assist
in her CREATING them in a way that delights and pleases BOTH OF YOU!)

  So, the rule is: NEVER ASK A WOMAN FOR ANYTHING(a date, a phone number,
to suck you off). Instead:

1. Structure opportunities

2. Offer challenges

3. Elicit/evoke processes


  Let's take the first two points to examine. By structure opportunities, I
mean specifically offer something SHE can intuit, perceive, or think of a
benefit to HER. This is most important when you are first meeting a woman
and she's in a hurry and hasn't yet seen what a charming and wonderful
fellow you truly can be. Unless you offer her something of benefit to
remain and talk..why whould she?

  As an example, very often, when I first meet a woman, especially in a
public setting where I am the one to make the intial walk-up, after
introducing myself I'll say something along the lines of:

  "Look, I don't have a lot of time here(sets me up as a challenge..more on
this when we discuss #2). But if you'll sit with me for a couple of
minutes, I'll analyze your handwriting. You'll get to learn things about
yourself your best friends don't know(opportunity), and I'll get to find
out if you're the kind of person I want to know better.(Challenge..I'm
really saying, "Hey...I know you're physically cute..do you measure up in
OTHER ways or are you just another pretty face?)

  Notice here that the opportunity is communicated directly, but it is what
is implied and unspoken that communicates the challenge. I didn't come
right out and explicitly SAY that SHE is the one being put to the test, but
the message comes through nonetheless. This appeals powerfully to a woman's
need to be challenged; and the brighter and more attractive, the MORE
keenly this is missed and the more the need is felt.


  You can start structuring the opportunity frame even earlier on by doing
something as small and as simply as how you use pauses.

 Just the other week, for example, I was in the Marina and spotted a MAJOR
hot babe with her less than attractive girlfriend. I approached them and
said, "Excuse me for interrupting..and please excuse me for putting YOU on
the spot in front of your friend. But I HAD to pay you a compliment." Then
I shut the hell up.

 After two seconds of silent waiting, they both said, "What? WHAT IS IT?"

 I then told her what I thought was so unique about her...but the point
here is that instead of just spurting it out(ha ha), I made her WAIT and
then ASK to hear it.

 Now, you can use this opportunity/challenge mode VERY effectively when
playing the phone-tag/answering machine/voice-mail game. In fact, this
works SO damn well, I actually hope and do my best to plan on their NOT
being home, the first time I call. ( I know....I know..this directly
contradicts what I wrote in my original book, back in 1989. Hey..my ideas
have changed(as has the world) in the last ten years!)



 So here's how it works. First thing is to give her a call when you can
best calculate she will NOT be home. That's right...NOT be home. This is an
important part of the set up; to leave an "average Joe" kinda message that
will NOT get a response.

 When you get her machine, leave a message like, "Hey..this is Bob...I met
you at the Starbucks. Call me back at 555-5512."

 The sad thing, of course, is how this message, straightforward as it is,
almost NEVER gets a response. It almost always will get ignored..which is
what you want!

 The killer piece comes about a week later when you leave your NEXT
message. This will almost always work; it's worked 90% of the time for me,
and of those times, about 80% of the women called back within 24hrs, some
as soon as within the hour!

 Here's the message you leave, the second time:

 "Hey Debbie..this is Bob..I thought I'd give it one last shot at getting a
chance to talk. I've learned one lesson, living in (insert your city or
part of the country...since I live in L.A., I say L.A!) L.A. my whole life,
and that's that beauty is common...but people with a great attitude..a
great energy..a great outlook on life are rare..and they're worth working
to get to know. And I think that's an understanding that goes BOTH ways. So
if you can find your own reasons to call me, my number is 555-5512."

 Now, let's take a few minutes to analyze the brilliance of this message.

 "Hey Debbie..this is Bob"...ok, this is straightfoward enough. Nothing
tricky here, but that's ok. The REST of the message more than makes up for
it in trickeration!

 "I thought I'd give it one last shot at getting a chance to talk".....Oh
oh....here you set yourself up as an opportunity she is about to miss out
on. In a very nice way, you are saying, "Hey..I'm busy..I donÕt have time
for this...I'm about to go bye bye and you are about to miss out, honey!"

 "I've learned one lesson living in L.A. my whole life..." Hmmm. WHAT
lesson? This could be interesting...generates curiosity and make listening
to the message ITSELF an opportunity for her, instead of just another of a
hundred tasks waiting to burn her time!



 "Beauty is common..." Ha! This is a TRUISM; one of those slogans that no
one can argue with. It is also VAGUE. You will notice I did NOT suggest you
say "Beautiful women  are commond", although, in LA, that is also true
enough!

 By being vague..saying "beauty" is common, instead of beautiful women, she
has to go inside and try to find the meaning for herself, and therefore the
idea that her beauty is NO big deal slips right in. And, by the way, deep
down she probably agrees that her beauty IS not a big deal!

 "But people with a great energy..a great attitude..a great outlook on life
are rare ." Hmmm...WHICH people? WHAT people? Am I talking about HER? Am I
talking about ME? Again, this is so vague, she has to go inside and do a
search, unconsciously, for all the possible meanings. Plus it is also
another truism; if you live in a big city, you KNOW that it is true. Maybe
the next sentence, in any event, will help us to understand who we are
supposed to be applying this to!

 "And they're worth working to get to know."...Translation:  you better put
some effort into me or you are going to lose out!

 "I think that's an understanding that works both ways!" MORE vague
language. WHICH is the understanding? That such people are rare? That they
are worth working to get to know? Am I saying that I believe that **I** am
such a person and the only way for her to prove that SHE is, is to call me
back? Geez, I made this up, and even **I** can't tell for sure.

 But the bottom line implication is, that YOU are certainly a fine person,
worth working to get to know, and is she just another beautiful person with
ZERO substance, or is she one of those rare folks who iw worth getting to
work to know as well? If so, the only way for her to prove it is to call
you right back!

 "So, if you can FIND YOUR OWN REASONS TO CALL ME, my number is..."
Ha..notice the embedded command: FIND YOUR OWN REASONS TO CALL ME!  Now, I
really love that one. It implies that when she calls, it is NOT because she
just got SERIOUSLY mindfucked; it's becaused SHE wanted to for HER own
reasons that make such good sense to her!

 Is this fair? YOU BET! In fact, it is NECESSARY to set the right frame. So
instead of the frame being, "Oh, here's another lame guy trying to beg me
to do him a favor, take a piece of MY valuable time, just to call him back"
the dynamic is, "Oh oh...if I don't call this guy back I'm gonna lose out
on something terrific AND it will mean IÕm just another vacant, dumb,
beautiful bimbo instead of the really kewl person I have to prove to him
that I am!"

 The ultimate in psychological ju-jitsu, dear reader.

 Let's look at the last piece of the formula: Elicit and evoke process.

 This principle relies on the knowledge that, for the most part, folks
already know how to do what we want them to, but they may not necessarily
KNOW that they know. So asking directly for what we want might often just
not work. And again, asking makes US the supplicant and puts THEM in a
position of power.

 So, let's say you have been talking with a suitable young lady, and she
appears quite interested. It's time to close the deal. I seldom EVER
anymore just say, "Why don't you give me your number, and we'll see about
hooking up?"

 Instead, I'll say, "So, what steps would we have to take, to make sure we
can continue this another time?"

 Notice, by asking this simple question, I am now eliciting HER process.
Why make it about a phone number when perhaps her process would be to
invite me back to her apartment then and their for the blow job of the
millenium? Why short-circuit the process?

 In the event she DOES offer the number, it has MUCH more meaning; it is
being offerred as part of carrying forward HER process of getting to talk
to me again.

 You could spice it up a bit, of course. If, for example, you are talking
to a busy waitress or bartender, you could say, "It's too bad we'll
probably never get a chance to talk without these time pressures or
interruptions, but if we recognize WE BOTH REALLY WANT TO...what steps
would we have to take to make sure that happens?"


The Mail Bag

From Thu Jan 14 19:13:56 1999
From: "ANDREW XXXXXX"
To:
Date: Thu, 14 Jan 1999 19:16:33 -0800
MIME-Version: 1.0
X-Priority: 3

Dear  Ross,   Your stuff  of course is friggin brilliant; I'm intrigued
with every aspect of it. I'm  stuck on just one part though, the initial
breaking of the state. I've  found that once I can create that initial
wedge in, the door is then open and  it's just a matter of digging around
with the proper tools until I've  penetrated her consciousness. The other
day I took a friend who was in a  crabby defensive mood, and created a new
hole dimension for her as I elicited  her values and then found myself
riffing like a madman about incredible  opportunities and doorways that
sometimes can miraculously open up before a person. I've noticed that
talking to someone after that first door  hasbeen opened is relatively easy
and natural (actually you show how to  do it in exquisite detail). But I'm
wishing you would create some products  that could show different kinds of
icebreakers in different situations, with  specific language. The three you
have now, the absolutely stunning,  intuition, and using humor approaches
are great (actually I can't summon  the google to tell a woman she's
absolutely stunning yet), but I need  more.


Dear Andrew,

        Thank you for the kind words. One of the things I like to do to
break the ice is to get myself into a state of heightened, yet relaxed
alertness, and see if I can notice something about the way the woman moves,
carries herself, or, for lack of a better word, her "personal energy". This
allows me to comment on something that is more unique and less typical than
telling her she is stunning.

        One of my favorite things about a woman is how she moves; a woman
with a great sense of balance and movement is VERY attractive to me. So I
will often say, "Excuse me...forgive the interruption...but I had to pay
you a compliment."

        Then I will pause. When she asks, "What?" I'll reply,

        "You carry yourself with discipline and elegance..it's a very rare
and attractive combination. My name is Ross...."

        This compliment ALWAYS takes their breath away. In effect, you are
saying, "Damn...you are both strong AND feminine. How totally wonderful and
unique and special too!"

	


        As for your summoning the "google" to tell a woman she is
absolutely stunning; I think you are viewing it the wrong way. IF you put
the frame around it as approaching and supplicating a goddess, I don't
blame you. The whole point is to MAKE IT MATTER OF FACT. DELIVER IT MATTER
OF FACT.

        Try this: practice going up to women, and in a totally matter of
fact voice, just say, "Excuse me...I just wanted to tell you....your shoe's
untied."  Or, "Excuse me...youÕre about to lose your heel on that shoe."

        Then walk away. Practice stating things to women TOTALLY matter of
fact. When you tell a stunner, COMPLETELY calmly and matter of factly that
she is a stunner, then it puts them on hold. The unspoken message you are
saying is, "Hey..I'm USED to stunners and I'm used to stunners treating me
well. Are YOU up to the caliber of the girl's I'm used to, or just another
pretty face?"

        Try it and let yourself see!


                                                                Peace and piece,

                                                             Ross
							     
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