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========================================================= Ross Jeffries' Get Laid/PersuasionNEWSLETTER!!!! --------------------------------------------------------- 6245 Bristol Parkway, Suite 275 Culver, City CA 90230 (310)822-5771 Jan / Feb 1999 ========================================================= Seduction and the Power of Setting Frames! Dear Friend and Valued Reader, First, let me get it out of the way: Happy New Year! In other words.... ...Thank Jehovah the f#$*ing "holidays" are over! Honest to friggin shit I HATE THE THRICE-DAMNED "holidays". Just saying the word makes me gag. "Holidays" from WHAT? From enjoying an otherwise happy, fulfilled life? From being productive and getting things done? Personally, whoever came up with the idea should be beaten until their raw nerve endings are exposed, smeared with honey, and made to sit in a colony of stinger ants, with their lips stitched shut so the screams of agony die in their mouths. If most folks didn't lead such miserable, unhappy lives, working at jobs they hate, they wouldn't get so incredibly insane at the opportunity to get paid to take three or four days off. Jeez! Now that I've gingerly expressed my opinion, let me use it to illustrate this issue's lesson: the "frame" or overall meaning you give to something determines how you respond to it and what responses you get. For example, to some mentally deranged folks, the "holidays" are actually ENJOYABLE. To them it means an "opportunity" to "celebrate", along with notions of "giving", "sharing, etc. To me, it means, "PUNISHMENT"...."deprivation!". That's right..my friends leave town..HB's I'm used to doing weird and wonderful perverted things to are out of the state or even the country....... ...Spending Time With People Other Than Me! And you just go ahead and try to get any work done or hire anyone to do any work you need to have done. Forget it! In a similiar vein, many guys don't set a very useful "frame" around picking-up women, seducing them, enjoying them, etc. Just as an example, I was talking to a student who said, "Ross....I still have this fear of getting shot down with women!" Now, this really made my ears perk-up. I mean look at the "frame" this guy was settting around meeting women. Or rather, LISTEN to his personal metaphor He was using the language of fighter/bomber pilots. Hey..if **I** used a metaphor like that to structure things in my mind, I'd be pretty nervous too. Who wants to be in a flaming wreck, speeding toward the ground at 32 feet per second, per second, to die in a massive fireball? So, being the masterful metaphortician(I just made the word up, ok? Below me!) that I am, I said, "Hey..instead of thinking of it as you being a plane who is either going to be shot down or given permission to fly freely, what if you just viewed it as giving her an opportunity to show you what kind of woman she is?" Now, as soon as I said that, he underwent a MAJOR shift in his physiology. I could almost see him letting go of all those thoughts and representations that had been holding him back. Because the FRAME he had set for himself and all the attendant ideas (crash and burning, getting shot down, going down in flames etc) really didn't serve to put him in the right frame of mind. What makes this kind of framing even more powerful is, most folks aren't even aware they are doing it and the EFFECTS it has. It operates largely outside of conscious awareness and therefore is PROFOUNDLY hypnotic. It also tends to act as a "canopy of consciousness" that extends and covers and controls and sets ALL the subsequent thoughts around the subject Of course, there as about as many useless/damaging frames to put around seducing women as you could count. I've heard TONS of guys talk about it like it was a war, as in, "I've got to establish a beach-head with her." Or "it's time for one last kamizake charge". Then there's the "they're all cunts I'm gonna get 'em before they get me" frame. Not likely to make you a happy camper. But by far the most damaging, pervasive, and to use an odd adjective, ensorcelling frame is... .....The Supplication Frame! Now, in case you didn't know, to "supplicate" means to beg, plea, make earnest entreaties. Just as an example, in the medieval days, if you had a grievance against your neighbor, you'd go to the feudal lord and entreat him to intervene on your behalf. You'd beg, whine, kneel, plea...whatever you needed to get your point across and get your wish granted. In other words, just like the role men are forced to play in the "courtship" or "dating game". As the pursuers, WE get to be the supplicant. SHE gets to be the supplicatee. And believe me, it's a lot more fun to GET supped than to give supp. Understand whassup? (Please..if you are a woman reading this and feel the need to "correct" me by telling me how YOU are different from your sisters...don't bother. I already know their are exceptions; exceptions PROVE the rule, they don't invalidate it.) But, what if you could reverse all this? What if you could set a DIFFERENT frame..one that puts YOU in the position of power choice and control? Woundn't that be just absolutely too good to be believed? Well, believe it. Cuz, you're ever-lovin' Guru is gonna show ya how! A Belief About Women That Makes This Frame Really Work Frames, of course, are based on beliefs. And if there is one belief I've come to really accept is true, it is this: *****VERY few women really know what they want, and even when they do, it very rarely serves them***** You see, the trap with what a woman perceives she already wants...already expects..already perceives herself as "ready for" is this: By definition, it only partakes of what she already knows. And where, may I ask, in that, is the room for the truly magical? The truly miraculous? The truly wonderful and surprising aspects of life that make her gasp in awe and feel like a child once again. discovering the world anew? Man...I am just TOO poetic.(Is there some pattern language in the above paragraph? Nahhh...) Anyway, as far as I can tell, the TRUE wonder for a woman does NOT come when she hooks up with a man who is her "type". A man who society or her folks or her friends would approve of, or who she is used to, her who is typical for her to be attracted to. The true wonder is when she is carried beyond all that by a man who touches her in so many mysterious ways that she never even imagined she COULD be touched and she experiences TRUE passion..which is not temporarily being turned on in the moment..it's not even when she finds she gives all that she has..but when she is touches SO profoundly that she discovers things within her that she didn't even know were there. (If you're a woman getting horny reading this, and are athletic, active, adventurous and between 21-35, send your jpeg, gif and brief note to: ross@seduction.com. Warning: I'm not for everyone; if you're not ready for and willing to share some really great explorations and adventures, don't even bother emailing me no matter how great you might look like!) Well, anyway..to put a woman into this mindset, you must structure your communication from start to finish to do at least two of the three following things. When/if you do at least two of these three, you can just about double-damn guarantee that not only will she surrender to you physically, but she will open herself at wonderful levels and depths she never knew she had(and if she doesn't yet have them, you can easily assist in her CREATING them in a way that delights and pleases BOTH OF YOU!) So, the rule is: NEVER ASK A WOMAN FOR ANYTHING(a date, a phone number, to suck you off). Instead: 1. Structure opportunities 2. Offer challenges 3. Elicit/evoke processes Let's take the first two points to examine. By structure opportunities, I mean specifically offer something SHE can intuit, perceive, or think of a benefit to HER. This is most important when you are first meeting a woman and she's in a hurry and hasn't yet seen what a charming and wonderful fellow you truly can be. Unless you offer her something of benefit to remain and talk..why whould she? As an example, very often, when I first meet a woman, especially in a public setting where I am the one to make the intial walk-up, after introducing myself I'll say something along the lines of: "Look, I don't have a lot of time here(sets me up as a challenge..more on this when we discuss #2). But if you'll sit with me for a couple of minutes, I'll analyze your handwriting. You'll get to learn things about yourself your best friends don't know(opportunity), and I'll get to find out if you're the kind of person I want to know better.(Challenge..I'm really saying, "Hey...I know you're physically cute..do you measure up in OTHER ways or are you just another pretty face?) Notice here that the opportunity is communicated directly, but it is what is implied and unspoken that communicates the challenge. I didn't come right out and explicitly SAY that SHE is the one being put to the test, but the message comes through nonetheless. This appeals powerfully to a woman's need to be challenged; and the brighter and more attractive, the MORE keenly this is missed and the more the need is felt. You can start structuring the opportunity frame even earlier on by doing something as small and as simply as how you use pauses. Just the other week, for example, I was in the Marina and spotted a MAJOR hot babe with her less than attractive girlfriend. I approached them and said, "Excuse me for interrupting..and please excuse me for putting YOU on the spot in front of your friend. But I HAD to pay you a compliment." Then I shut the hell up. After two seconds of silent waiting, they both said, "What? WHAT IS IT?" I then told her what I thought was so unique about her...but the point here is that instead of just spurting it out(ha ha), I made her WAIT and then ASK to hear it. Now, you can use this opportunity/challenge mode VERY effectively when playing the phone-tag/answering machine/voice-mail game. In fact, this works SO damn well, I actually hope and do my best to plan on their NOT being home, the first time I call. ( I know....I know..this directly contradicts what I wrote in my original book, back in 1989. Hey..my ideas have changed(as has the world) in the last ten years!) So here's how it works. First thing is to give her a call when you can best calculate she will NOT be home. That's right...NOT be home. This is an important part of the set up; to leave an "average Joe" kinda message that will NOT get a response. When you get her machine, leave a message like, "Hey..this is Bob...I met you at the Starbucks. Call me back at 555-5512." The sad thing, of course, is how this message, straightforward as it is, almost NEVER gets a response. It almost always will get ignored..which is what you want! The killer piece comes about a week later when you leave your NEXT message. This will almost always work; it's worked 90% of the time for me, and of those times, about 80% of the women called back within 24hrs, some as soon as within the hour! Here's the message you leave, the second time: "Hey Debbie..this is Bob..I thought I'd give it one last shot at getting a chance to talk. I've learned one lesson, living in (insert your city or part of the country...since I live in L.A., I say L.A!) L.A. my whole life, and that's that beauty is common...but people with a great attitude..a great energy..a great outlook on life are rare..and they're worth working to get to know. And I think that's an understanding that goes BOTH ways. So if you can find your own reasons to call me, my number is 555-5512." Now, let's take a few minutes to analyze the brilliance of this message. "Hey Debbie..this is Bob"...ok, this is straightfoward enough. Nothing tricky here, but that's ok. The REST of the message more than makes up for it in trickeration! "I thought I'd give it one last shot at getting a chance to talk".....Oh oh....here you set yourself up as an opportunity she is about to miss out on. In a very nice way, you are saying, "Hey..I'm busy..I donÕt have time for this...I'm about to go bye bye and you are about to miss out, honey!" "I've learned one lesson living in L.A. my whole life..." Hmmm. WHAT lesson? This could be interesting...generates curiosity and make listening to the message ITSELF an opportunity for her, instead of just another of a hundred tasks waiting to burn her time! "Beauty is common..." Ha! This is a TRUISM; one of those slogans that no one can argue with. It is also VAGUE. You will notice I did NOT suggest you say "Beautiful women are commond", although, in LA, that is also true enough! By being vague..saying "beauty" is common, instead of beautiful women, she has to go inside and try to find the meaning for herself, and therefore the idea that her beauty is NO big deal slips right in. And, by the way, deep down she probably agrees that her beauty IS not a big deal! "But people with a great energy..a great attitude..a great outlook on life are rare ." Hmmm...WHICH people? WHAT people? Am I talking about HER? Am I talking about ME? Again, this is so vague, she has to go inside and do a search, unconsciously, for all the possible meanings. Plus it is also another truism; if you live in a big city, you KNOW that it is true. Maybe the next sentence, in any event, will help us to understand who we are supposed to be applying this to! "And they're worth working to get to know."...Translation: you better put some effort into me or you are going to lose out! "I think that's an understanding that works both ways!" MORE vague language. WHICH is the understanding? That such people are rare? That they are worth working to get to know? Am I saying that I believe that **I** am such a person and the only way for her to prove that SHE is, is to call me back? Geez, I made this up, and even **I** can't tell for sure. But the bottom line implication is, that YOU are certainly a fine person, worth working to get to know, and is she just another beautiful person with ZERO substance, or is she one of those rare folks who iw worth getting to work to know as well? If so, the only way for her to prove it is to call you right back! "So, if you can FIND YOUR OWN REASONS TO CALL ME, my number is..." Ha..notice the embedded command: FIND YOUR OWN REASONS TO CALL ME! Now, I really love that one. It implies that when she calls, it is NOT because she just got SERIOUSLY mindfucked; it's becaused SHE wanted to for HER own reasons that make such good sense to her! Is this fair? YOU BET! In fact, it is NECESSARY to set the right frame. So instead of the frame being, "Oh, here's another lame guy trying to beg me to do him a favor, take a piece of MY valuable time, just to call him back" the dynamic is, "Oh oh...if I don't call this guy back I'm gonna lose out on something terrific AND it will mean IÕm just another vacant, dumb, beautiful bimbo instead of the really kewl person I have to prove to him that I am!" The ultimate in psychological ju-jitsu, dear reader. Let's look at the last piece of the formula: Elicit and evoke process. This principle relies on the knowledge that, for the most part, folks already know how to do what we want them to, but they may not necessarily KNOW that they know. So asking directly for what we want might often just not work. And again, asking makes US the supplicant and puts THEM in a position of power. So, let's say you have been talking with a suitable young lady, and she appears quite interested. It's time to close the deal. I seldom EVER anymore just say, "Why don't you give me your number, and we'll see about hooking up?" Instead, I'll say, "So, what steps would we have to take, to make sure we can continue this another time?" Notice, by asking this simple question, I am now eliciting HER process. Why make it about a phone number when perhaps her process would be to invite me back to her apartment then and their for the blow job of the millenium? Why short-circuit the process? In the event she DOES offer the number, it has MUCH more meaning; it is being offerred as part of carrying forward HER process of getting to talk to me again. You could spice it up a bit, of course. If, for example, you are talking to a busy waitress or bartender, you could say, "It's too bad we'll probably never get a chance to talk without these time pressures or interruptions, but if we recognize WE BOTH REALLY WANT TO...what steps would we have to take to make sure that happens?" The Mail Bag From Thu Jan 14 19:13:56 1999 From: "ANDREW XXXXXX" To: Date: Thu, 14 Jan 1999 19:16:33 -0800 MIME-Version: 1.0 X-Priority: 3 Dear Ross, Your stuff of course is friggin brilliant; I'm intrigued with every aspect of it. I'm stuck on just one part though, the initial breaking of the state. I've found that once I can create that initial wedge in, the door is then open and it's just a matter of digging around with the proper tools until I've penetrated her consciousness. The other day I took a friend who was in a crabby defensive mood, and created a new hole dimension for her as I elicited her values and then found myself riffing like a madman about incredible opportunities and doorways that sometimes can miraculously open up before a person. I've noticed that talking to someone after that first door hasbeen opened is relatively easy and natural (actually you show how to do it in exquisite detail). But I'm wishing you would create some products that could show different kinds of icebreakers in different situations, with specific language. The three you have now, the absolutely stunning, intuition, and using humor approaches are great (actually I can't summon the google to tell a woman she's absolutely stunning yet), but I need more. Dear Andrew, Thank you for the kind words. One of the things I like to do to break the ice is to get myself into a state of heightened, yet relaxed alertness, and see if I can notice something about the way the woman moves, carries herself, or, for lack of a better word, her "personal energy". This allows me to comment on something that is more unique and less typical than telling her she is stunning. One of my favorite things about a woman is how she moves; a woman with a great sense of balance and movement is VERY attractive to me. So I will often say, "Excuse me...forgive the interruption...but I had to pay you a compliment." Then I will pause. When she asks, "What?" I'll reply, "You carry yourself with discipline and elegance..it's a very rare and attractive combination. My name is Ross...." This compliment ALWAYS takes their breath away. In effect, you are saying, "Damn...you are both strong AND feminine. How totally wonderful and unique and special too!" As for your summoning the "google" to tell a woman she is absolutely stunning; I think you are viewing it the wrong way. IF you put the frame around it as approaching and supplicating a goddess, I don't blame you. The whole point is to MAKE IT MATTER OF FACT. DELIVER IT MATTER OF FACT. Try this: practice going up to women, and in a totally matter of fact voice, just say, "Excuse me...I just wanted to tell you....your shoe's untied." Or, "Excuse me...youÕre about to lose your heel on that shoe." Then walk away. Practice stating things to women TOTALLY matter of fact. When you tell a stunner, COMPLETELY calmly and matter of factly that she is a stunner, then it puts them on hold. The unspoken message you are saying is, "Hey..I'm USED to stunners and I'm used to stunners treating me well. Are YOU up to the caliber of the girl's I'm used to, or just another pretty face?" Try it and let yourself see! Peace and piece, Ross P.S. My friends, Kim McFarland and Tom Vizzini, will be presenting a dynamite 3 day Essential Skills seminar, in Atlanta, GA, March 12, 13 and 14th! Learn the essential skills I just don't have time to cover in the Speed Seduction trainings, and dramatically improve your SS success! Call Tom at 770-889-5410 or email Kim at: klmcfarland@mindspring.com to find out about BIG discounts for Speed Seduction seminar attendees and customers! Learn to master anchoring, embedded commands, deep rapport, trance states, mastery of tonality and other skills to turn you into a persuasive/seductive dynamo! Plus, I'll be there hosting a free, 3 hour "dinner with Ross" where IÕll be revealing the latest SS breakthroughs! Go to: http://www.essential-skills.com to get more of the important information you need to sign up for this seminar!