<The Phone Thing With No Goddamn xxxx-box Name>   2/29/96

Arent you sick of all these fucking boxes?
Some are goddamn HOLD buttons-real useful.
Some are merely tape recorders hooked up to a phone...
	Imagine that... Actually recording a telephone call!			
		Its brilliant!
Screw all those guys.

As Im sure you know, I dont care what you do with my "box",
throw it off a bridge, out the window on the highway, I just dont care.
But here is my legal disclaimer:
"This device is to be used only for a paperweight, I am not responsible
for any other such use"

Im sick of this shit so I didnt give my "box" a name.
Im sure everyone knows what a "beige" box is.
Why give that piece of shit a name?
Its a phone with alligator clips on it!  Hot Damn!
I will admit its extremely useful, as my "box" is similar.

I made this piece of equipment long before I had ever heard it
referred to as a "beige" box.  I knew the usefulness of such a device
but I wanted more versatility.  I have run into many places where there
are exposed jacks in the wall.  What good are alligator clips then?

(By the way, check out hospitals, they always have jacks in every room,
whether the room is actually used or not, and almost always they are 
hooked up to the PBX)

PARTS LIST

	1 RATS HACK El Cheapo Phone ..............$20
	1 Baseplate Modular Jack .................$2
	2 Alligator Clips Green/Red ..............$1
	2 Spade Terminals ........................$.25
	1 10ft Speaker Wire ......................$.50
		Duct Tape


Anyways, as I said I wanted versatility.  I first took the cheapest
RATS HACK phone that they sell, its around $20.
Then I took an ordinary baseplate jack.

(Its a little box with a modular jack on it. The box unscrews and you
are presented with 4 screw-down terminals to hook phone wire to.)

First take the speaker wire and strip both ends of it.

(Do NOT separate the wire in to 2 wires, seems obvious but there are 
some REAL idiots out there)

On one end put the spade terminals, on the other, the alligator clips.

(I would recommend using a REAL crimper for this, but dont go out and 
buy one, theyre not cheap.) 

Then unscrew the baseplate jack and, on the bottom, make a notch in the
cover big enough for the speaker wire. (See Diagram)

		-------------------------
	        |                       |  
		|   Modular Jack			|
		|	    |		| -------Base Plate Jack(Top)    
		|         ----- 	|
		|	  |   |		|
		|	   -_-		|
		|			|
		|			|
		|			|
		------------X------------
			    |
     Put Notch Here---------|


		Side View:	--------Top
				|	
		 ----------------------
		/			\	
		|			|
		|	  /--\	 	|
		-----------XX------------
			    |			
		Notch-------|

Next- Screw the two spade terminals on to the red and green posts inside the baseplate jack. 

(Obviously make sure that you match red:red and green:green.  Otherwise, the color coding of the alligator clips doesnt really do shit, does it.  Once again: Idiots etc.....)

Next screw the cover back onto the jack, making sure that the speaker wire is routed through the notch you just made.
You should now have a baseplate jack with a wire coming out of the bottom of it with red and green alligator clips on it.

Next, press the baseplate jack against the back of the RATS HACK phone.
I mounted mine behind the earpiece, to save room for the wires.
Take around 4-5 inches of duct tape and tape right over the modular jack and stick it to the phone.

(Dont tape all the way around and cover up the earpiece, stupid)

With a knife, you can cut the stressed areas of the tape and make it look semi-professional.

Take a knive and cut the tape away from the modular jack so you can plug the phone in.

You should now have a phone with a baseplate jack stuck to it.

The phone comes with a cord that has about 10 ft of straight wire and 5 ft of coiled wire.
Take the straight part and wrap it around your hand(coil it up).  When its nice and neat, ziptie that bastard in three places. You dont want it coming undone.

Coil up the speaker wire like you did with the phone, but just use a rubber band to keep it together.

All you need now is one FAT rubber band.
Tuck the two wire coils under the baseplate jack on the back of the phone and put the FAT rubber band around them.  Dont worry about the FAT rubber band covering up the 1,2,3 on the phone, you can still press them.

Plug the phone in to the baseplate jack and your "Roach Fone" is done.

If you need to use the clips, leave the phone plugged in to the jack and go to it.  If you spy a jack in the wall, unplug the phone from the baseplate jack and youre set.  Nifty huh?

POSSIBLE MODS/IMPROVEMENTS

The RATS HACK phone has memory, but its flaky, sometimes the memory is retained when the phone isnt plugged in, sometimes its not.  A phone with reliable static memory would certainly be useful.

A phone with 2-line capability would also be useful.

I also carry a male:male adapter around under the rubber band.
	It comes in handy.

If you really wanted to, you could get some special clips that have a
bed'o'nails AND an alligator clip.  These are not cheap though, around
$30.  The uses are obvious.

Lastly, a phone with a MUTE button would also be handy.
(They couldnt hear you breathing heavily)

One item of note: I have never, ever, ever, ever seen plans similar to this anywhere.  If you wrote some before this, rest assured, I did not copy them.

Contact Jensen Tools for the special clips, or you could buy what I just showed you how to make for 200-350 darahs.


If you want to add to this file, please ADD to it. Dont modify my part.


	Attention PHedZ: Do you have any job openings?
			NSA possibly?
				hehehehe

				<Cipher In The Snow>